People say that the things the child remember most from their childhood are your failures and certain mistakes. That is true. Therefore, try to control your behavior, act positively, and give good examples to your child. Don’t let them have a pocket full of bad memories.
You have just come home from work, nervous and exhausted. Your child wants to do something, but you harshly say NO! The child tries to explain why he wants to do it, but you simply don’t want to listen. Has such a situation ever happened to you, when you’re torn between so many duties in the office and other responsibilities, that you start to yell at your child for a trivial thing when you finally get home? Frankly, it happened to me on several occasions.
Don’t try to justify yourself with lame excuses for not being able to listen to their stories. How many times have we heard from others they lead a pretty hard life, that they’re constantly struggling with the lack of money, or similar things. It can all be true, it can be something that troubles and prevents us from being perfect parents. But, your justifications won’t work with your children. Only other parents can really understand what you are going through. They would nod, cluck, and confirm everything you say, since all of you share the same problems. However, whose love and understanding you need more, of those other parents and people, or of your children?
Therefore, you should be aware how important is to apologize to your kid for any mistakes you make (we all make them). Saying “I’m sorry” can mean a lot in the situation when your child is sitting in the corner in his room alone and sad (and in my case, angry), where you have just sent him because he wanted to tell you something incredibly important (for him, at least ). If you skip to apologize and comfort yourself with the thought how your parents did the same thing when you were young, (“and now there’s nothing wrong with you”), you will endanger future relationship with your child.
There is a possibility to repeat the same mistake more than once. Thus, when your child comes to you with a scratch on his knee, believing he has a good reason for your attention, don’t turn away your head, saying you fell million times as a child, asking him to stop acting like a baby. Or one night, when you get home exhausted, still having a lot of work to do, and he interrupts you with some very important and urgent issue, be patient. Don’t say something like “For goodness sake, leave me alone and get back into your room!”, although you would feel like it.
Similar situations may happen several times until your child stops communicating with you. No one will ever ask you anything or disturb you. You will have plenty of time to work or do whatever you like. However, this might not be good. You will shut that small door that leads to your child. That door isn’t small at all. In fact it’s the biggest door you’ll struggle not to close, for your lifetime
So the next time you fall into this “trap”, don’t forget about your little one to whom you are the whole world. Think how he might feel and don’t make any excuses saying that he will forget everything eventually. Children can forget words and events, but they will never forget how they felt in certain situations, especially if they were hurt by your actions. Thus, go back to your child, hug him and say magical “I’m sorry!” Then, explain him what was the cause of your reaction, and let him to tell you what he wanted. If the child is angry and refuses to communicate, tickle him, tell him something that will make him laugh, or find some other way to cheer him up. You should also be prepared to accept his criticism. My kids, for instance, never miss the opportunity to tell me how rude I was.
