Before enrolling in kindergarten, or even day nursery, kids hang out only with their toys. I call that children’s “first” socialization. In this “in-between” period, children can learn and practice how to establish communication. They are also building basic life skills such as empathy, care, dedication, responsibility, selflessness, independence, loyalty, and gratitude.

Let me tell you a story so to illustrate why it’s important to teach children to take care of toys. There once was a boy named Sam, who had a best friend, Happy the bunny. Happy the bunny and Sam wake up every morning at the same time. They brush their teeth together and wash their faces. Then they have breakfast together and play with other toys.

During this playtime, it was necessary for Sam to understand and know that he needs to take care of all the toys, he cannot be rough to other toys and that there’s a specific way to use each toy.

After playtime, all the toys had to be put back in their “toy house” (except for Happy, of course). At the very beginning, Sam did so begrudgingly. Mom and dad talked to Sam in the presence of Happy, including him in their arrangements as an equal member of the family. When Happy would “speak”, everything would go smoother and agreements would be nicer, faster and better. The toys must be picked up so they wouldn’t get lost or broken if someone steps on them, and if that happens, mom and dad will not buy new toys.

They have dinner together, sometimes they eat what Sam likes, and sometimes they what Sam likes a little less, but it is healthy and Happy loves it. Together they listen to bedtime stories and they go to sleep. Now, dad can freely turn off the lamp on his way out, because the boy doesn’t feel like he is alone in the room.

A little before 4 o’clock, Happy and Sam are crouching in front of the door, waiting for dad to come home from work. They must always get equally as hard a hug from dad when he finally arrives.

On the first summer vacation, they fell together when the first wave toppled them while playing in the shallow water. However, Sam didn’t cry because he swallowed a lot of water and fell, but because Happy lost an eye and “sneezed” salt for three days afterward. Still, he didn’t want to replace one-eyed Happy and instead, they performed a “surgery’ and cured him. Soon afterward, in one heroic clash between Sam and the dentist, the bunny permanently lost his eye in the sink.

However, the boy did not want another “surgery”, he just continued to carry the bunny around and love it the way it was.

The first day at the kindergarten was stressful for both of them. Sam cried, and when mom and dad left, Happy stayed to hold his hand. According to Sam, the bunny introduced him to other children and help them become friends. But, it was also hard for Sam to see other children taking Happy and playing. Sam was a little upset and little “something” he did not know how to explain. When they came home, mom, dad, Sam, and Happy had a family talk and found that it was absolutely fine for Happy to sometimes play with others. They fought through the adaptation period together, and according to the kindergarten teacher, they did it much faster than some other children.

Sam’s parents heard many times how it wasn’t good that he “dragged” that bunny everywhere he went, and that they had to explain to him it was only a toy and somehow separate him from the bunny – “It’s embarrassing to see, a big boy, about to start pre-school, dragging some bunny around.”

Fortunately, parents decided to listen to their son, and not the rest of the world. When the moment arrived, Happy sat on the shelf on its own and with it’s one eye watched his best friend do homework and become a man, just as they practiced together.

Let’s go back to the beginning now. Sam learned valuable things with one plush toy, so let’s “settle that score”.

1. Attention given to toys later reflects as attention toward younger members in the family, a pet, and personal belongings in general.

Playing with toys is an excellent example for a child to learn to follow the rules in life. To play fair and not act aggressively when something doesn’t go its way. You’ll notice that the older and shabbier the toys are, the children love them stronger and do not want to replace them for a new and nice one. Children often carry around teddy bears or bunnies missing an eye or an arm, but they still remain inseparable. That’s love and loyalty, personally. That’s the model they will learn then and then apply it to all other relationships. It also teaches children how to take small items and little attention as truly precious things.

2. The price is the time you didn’t get to spend with your child and that is why there are no cheap toys.

A child must know that the things they have – they have it owing to the moments you didn’t get to spend time with them because you are working, and they need you. Treating toys with care is direct respect for the money parents paid for them.

3. Toys can sometimes be a reward for proper behavior or encouragement for a desired one.

Let them do something they are able to (water flowers or clean the dust), and then give them the toy. My experience has shown me that they are going to love it more than other toys. This is also a great way for them to realize that things must be deserved – earned. Working habits are formed from the moment children become aware of the world around them. Not a minute sooner, not a minute later. These are coded patiently, in small steps adjusted to their age. The first step they should make is to put their first friends in their improvised homes. Once this becomes their habit, they will expand their responsibilities on their own, as they get older.

4. Children learn according to a model, they watch and imitate, and toys can be very useful in this case.

Children do not possess an awareness of the importance of personal hygiene or a healthy diet. There are things they don’t like to do. So it would be nice and useful to involve their favorite toy in those activities and to help them. It is much easier when they see someone next to them doesn’t cry while washing their hair or eating vegetables.

5. A toy is a great thing for defeating any fear a child might have.

Fear is abstract, it is difficult to explain and even more difficult to overcome. With toys by their side, children can “tangibly” see that nothing happened when they went through something a child is afraid of. If a child talks to their toy, it is nothing problematic, but good. They formed an emotional bond and it is natural for them to have an imaginary dialogue. That way, children further develop their imagination and emotional intelligence. They realize that someone gets them, listens to them, understands them, feels sad or happy with them, or hugs them. It is a very important prerequisite for becoming emphatic.

6. Children deal with the first separation more easily if they have their best plush friends with them.

Every beginning is hard for children. Besides new people, children in that period get to know themselves and the undiscovered sides to their personalities. For the first time, they feel jealous or jeopardized. However, they don’t even know what that is or how to tell you and explain it to you. All of it will be less prominent and stressful if they know that someone “from home” is holding their hand.

All toys are a bit of Happy the bunny, or at least they should be. Parents, if you picked up toys as children, bravo and well done. If you continue to do so as an adult, think about how much the change of the practice will impact your child’s development. Oh, and also, does your child have their “Happy the bunny”?

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Toddlers, at times, prefer to play on their own. They may spend hours making up stories with their favourite toys. They like to build, draw, paint, invent and explore their environment by themselves. They will also like to read. Around age 2 and 3, children become more aware of the people in their world, and move from solitary play to parallel play. As they play independently with toys, they start to see themselves as a part of a social group, yet still remain egocentric in their thinking. Children at this stage enjoy playing next to other children with the same game or activity, but they may not want to interact or play together.

For toddlers, playing is an essential part of learning. Playing helps them develop physical skills, self-esteem and confidence.

Reading expands toddlers’ knowledge of words and helps them learn to talk. They also enjoy scribbling on paper with crayons, pencils and paints. They understand that pictures can depict objects, and scribbles gradually become more representative pictures during this period, though they are still more interested in the process than the product. Toddlers generally love playing with water – emptying and filling containers, playing with the hose, pouring water from a teapot into a cup, or enjoying bath toys.

Over time, toddlers gain increased control over basic gross and fine-motor skills. Interest in gross-motor activity increases with newly found physical strength and basic coordination, and they especially enjoy balancing, climbing, running, jumping, throwing, catching, playing with sand, or pushing and pulling wheeled objects. By the time toddlers are three, dress-ups, playing house, climbing and running are likely to be favourite activities.

In addition, toddlers want to see how things work. They will open and close drawers, turn containers upside down to check out their contents, and place all sorts of objects into all sorts of holes to see what happens.

Action is the name of the game for toddlers, who delight in running, jumping, climbing and riding.

Ride-on-toys, such as low tricycle, or a foot-to-floor vehicle, low climbing toys, large balls, and outdoor items like a sandbox, or wading pool are good choice for developing gross motor skills.

Take-apart toys, pop-up toys and simple puzzles satisfy toddlers’ curiosity about how things work, reinforcing their hand-eye coordination, understanding of spatial orientation, and cause and effect. Furthermore, one of the best type of toys are block sets. Picture books with fun rhymes and bright illustrations are also likely to fascinate toddlers. They will get crafty with crayons and butchers paper, or be creative with play dough, hand puppets or dress-ups.

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It is very important to encourage skill development which will help them learn to be gracious winners or outstanding losers, and how to behave in stressful situations. Children grow in constant interaction with their environment. Such environment naturally reflects on their social and emotional development. In addition, developmental psychologists point out that every child should have loving and affectionate environment in order to become socially and emotionally healthy person.

Social and emotional development of children may vary depending on their temperament, cultural influences, some form of disability, actions of their parents, or other adults that are role-models, the feeling of being safe or not while interacting with grown-ups, opportunities for social interaction,…

Emotional development usually occurs in early childhood. First emotions that can be identified are joy, anger, sadness, fear and disgust. From the moment they are born, children establish relationship with the environment. They begin to recognize and manage their feelings. At the age of one and a half, they become aware of their emotional behaviour. Between two and three, according to the previously learned behavioral norms, they develop complex emotions such as pride, guilt, confusion and shame. Their ability to respond to the situations from the environment increases during the preschool years.

How to encourage social and emotional development of your child?

1. The positive feeling of affection in the first year of your child’s life makes the socialization possible. Therefore, it is extremely important for emotional development of every child to provide them with love and affection. Acknowledge your child’s feelings. Help them talk about what they feel and how they feel in certain situations.

2. Promote expression of feelings and help your child learn how to appropriately manage his emotions. For instance, if he is demonstrating anger by throwing away toys, tell him that everybody can be angry sometimes. However, point out that this model of behaviour is not good. Teach them to control their emotions and to calm down. Let them take a deep breath, and help them to turn away from the cause of their anger. Moreover, if you want to prevent children from certain things or actions, try to explain them why you want that.

3. Be a role model. When you have strong, respectful relationships and interaction with others, your child learns from your positive example. You should not neglect your own emotional and social needs. By nurturing them you will be also able to meet all the needs of your child, in a better way.

4. Every day spend some time with your child. Even if it’s only half an hour. Read to him, talk to him, give him advise or show him that you are proud when he/she has done something right… In this way you will help them develop selfawareness and the sense of the world around them. Encourage your child’s curiosity. Support his creativity and independence.

5. Make sure your child has regular social contact with other children and adults. This will help him explore his world and get to know the people in it. By stepping into various social relationships children learn that they are separate individuals. They will be able to put themselves in another person’s shoes and imagine what that person is feeling.

Apart from the family, peers and teachers have great influence on child’s social and emotional development at preschool age. Through various activities and games, teachers try to encourage and motivate children to learn how to express their feelings, understand emotions of other people, establish a relationship with people from their environment and become aware of their experiences and differences. One of the main tasks of theachers is to help children develop their social behaviour. Play has a very important role. It gives the child freedom to choose and the ability to make a decision. However, it also requires them to follow certain rules of the game. When playing, they learn about their environment and about the ways they can cope with it. There are many activities that teachers use in kindergartens. Each activity has a different purpose, either to help children understand various types of social behaviour, or teach them to be tolerant towards peers and appreciate differences, develop communication skills, learn to cooperate with others…

Here are some of them:

1. Dots game

Each player receives a sheet of paper. He needs to draw 20 dots as he likes. Then he gives the paper to the player on his left who has the task to link all the dots in order to get some image. After that, the paper is passed to the player on the left who has to colour the resulting image, and so on. When the game is finished one large picture can be made from all the drawings and displayed on the board.

This game belongs to the group of activities with the aim to develop collaboration and cooperation. It’s suitable for kids 3 to 7 years old.

2. The game of introduction encourages honesty and originality. One variation of this game is false introduction when two children present themselves to each other, as if they met for the first time. When introduction is over, each child has to say two things about himself – one is true, and the other is false. His partner has to guess what is right and what is wrong.

3. Role play allows the child to experience what it’s like to be somebody else. He/she has the opportunity to understand experiences and emotions of others. How it’s played? Well, teacher can tell kids to imagine a travel through a fairy tale. On his mark children change their appearance, facial expression, behaviour or some other detail, depending on the country or place they have previously imagined: The Land of Cockaigne (an imaginary land of great luxury and ease), the land of artists, elders, miners, silence, darkness,…

4. Trough expression games children are encouraged to express their feelings, experiences, needs, abilities, etc. out being limited. One of expression games is called the “poem”. Children and their teacher choose a well-known, not very long poem, and every child is given the task – to recite the poem as if he was angry, confused, conceited, in love…

5. Another interesting game is a little wizard game. Children imagine they are wizards and can do whatever they want. They get tasks to resolve various conflicts – between dog and cat, Little Red Riding Hood and the wolf, elephant and mouse, brother and sister, etc. Children can resolve conflict situations by drawing, acting, or they can invent a sign or a word to make a spell. This game should help children realize that putting themselves in someone else’s place and analyzing the problem seen through the eyes of other people, is the first condition to resolve the conflict.

In one of my previous blogs I wrote about how important it was for my brother and other children with special needs to attend kindergarten, and about the positive influence it had on his behaviour. Do you agree that it’s important for children to stay in kindergarten and spend time with peers and teachers regarding their social and emotional development? What are your methods to encourage such development? Share with us your experiences and ideas.

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