Pencils, notebooks, backpack? Check! New clothes, launch pack? Check! So, everything is ready for the first day of school. But why do I still have this strange feeling in my stomach that I’m missing something?
[dropcap]T[/dropcap]omorrow is my son’s first day of school. I can’t believe how fast he has grown. It seems like it was just yesterday when he proudly came to me and yelled “Mom, mom look! My first tooth!”. I’ve finally put him to sleep. He couldn’t stop talking about how tomorrow, just like Harry Potter, he will be entering a whole new world filled with magic. I was too planning to go to bed, but this weird feeling of anxiety and impatience wouldn’t let go. There were so many thoughts crowded in my head, and I just wanted to figure it all out.
So, I wrote a letter to my son. For his first day of school.
My dear little love,
I have been preparing for this day for months. So many things kept me awake at night – from deciding on the school, getting an interview, doing the interview, waiting for the acceptance letter, waiting for the placement letter, preparing your new room, getting the supplies from the school list to the choosing our outfits.
You have noticed that your grandparents and I are making a fuss over something. Everybody has been congratulating you for days and wishing you all the best. There were presents, some music and there was a special cake. You seem so happy and careless.
However, you said that you are worried that we would oversleep and that I should buy a special alarm clock. Then, you said that you hoped that your new friends would be as nice as friends from kindergarten. At that point, I realized that you worry as well.
Maybe you are not completely aware of how big this moment is, but my baby is worried. I have to admit I worry a lot.
I hope that your classmates will like you and that you will make friends. Also, I hope your teachers will be kind and supportive as your kindergarten teachers. I worry about those stairs in the school and if I chose appropriate shoes for school. And if your school bag is not too big or too heavy. I worry if you are going to like homework and duties.
What if I haven’t talked enough about the importance of school? What if haven’t written, read or learned about numbers, painted and drawn enough with you? I don’t know what to put in your lunch box. What if I don’t prepare the right food?
What if I don’t prepare your P.E. clothes or if I don’t keep track of your excursions and visits? You know I missed some dates in kindergarten.
What if there are some school events and I don’t have the time to volunteer and participate? You know that mum works a lot and the little free time we have is for you and me.
I worry that I will push you too much to work hard. I loved the school and I love to read. What if I overwhelm you with my expectations? I want you to play sports and sign you in the chess club. What if it is too much? But what if you love it and I at some point don’t have enough time?
I just hope that you will keep talking to me about everything. You have always talked to me about your fears, doubts, and curiosities. What if you stop? What if you change too quickly?
I think there will be no sleep for me tonight. I am going to watch your baby pictures and our summer vacation pictures and I am going to start getting ready at 6 a.m. so that we can be there on time at 9 a.m.
So many worries, so many questions and insecurities. Nevertheless, I am so proud and in awe of you. You’ve grown up. My sweet little boy is so smart, communicative, friendly and sensitive. You have taught me so much. I hope that my love and support will make this important moment easier for you.
