Going to sociable events with your young child can often feel pointless: while you sit chatting with the other parents, you watch how your son/daughter plays by themself the whole time, despite the fact that there are many other children they could play with. You might be worried by such behaviour, especially if you see that other children seem to be making an effort to befriend others, a quality your child appears not to display. For one reason or another, many children simply don’t develop social skills as easily as others and thus don’t know how to navigate the social world and are unable to make the most of opportunities to socialise. Making friends requires certain tools that many children do not intuitively possess (nurture, as much as nature, plays a huge role in our growth and development, after all). It’s your responsibility as a parent to ensure that you “coach” and positively encourage your child to develop the social skills they will need for a lifetime.

Social Coaching Tips

A few weeks ago, I overheard a mother telling a friend at a café that her son was “a lost cause” because, no matter how much she tried to get him to do something, he preferred doing something else. The triple shot latte she proceeded to order perhaps indicates that her words were born from exhaustion and frustration, rather than a genuine belief that there was nothing that could be done to teach her son a certain skill, which many parents might understand and even sympathise with. But it’s crucial that you believe in both yourself and your child when it comes to social coaching, as without this your child will likely learn to live up to expectations and not realise their full potential – i.e. if you don’t really believe they are able to play with other children, or that you can teach them to, they will believe the same and are thus likely never to do so.

Copyright: oneinchpunch

Now that you believe in both yourself and your child, the following tips and tricks may be helpful in encouraging your child that playing with others is fun. You might not see results right away, but over time your efforts should bear fruit and your child will actively seek out playtime with other excited children.

1. Help your child observe games being played amongst friends and how they can join in. For example, if you see two children playing doctor together, you might point them out to your child, explain what they are doing, and ask them what character they could be (a patient, doctor, nurse?) and what they could do to join in the game.
2.      Approach (potential) friends together with your child. If you ask if your child can join them in what they are doing, they’ll likely agree with you since you’re an adult. Remember to stay with your child for a short while to help them integrate into the game being played, perhaps even showing them what to do. This will build your child’s confidence and reduce any anxiety they might harbour with regards to playing with others or joining already established games/groups. The next time you both walk over to some children, you might prompt your child to ask themselves if they can play with them.
3.      Do your best to point out common interests/likes among the children. Just like you would probably feel most comfortable befriending someone who likes similar things to you, children feel the same. Point out that the other children also love superheroes and enjoy eating chocolate ice cream. By showing your child that other children share their interests, they will feel less cautious about socialising.
4.      Serve as a bridge of communication and cooperation between the children. For example, you might help them start a LEGO construction, inviting each child to take it in turns to add a piece wherever they choose. Before you know it, together the children have made a collective masterpiece – and you can encourage their excitement over what they have achieved. Suddenly, a game that your child used to play alone has become a cooperative one!
5.      Gradually move away into the background once interaction is underway. Be observant and recognise when your child feels comfortable communicating and playing with the other children – then step back!
6. Give your child lots of (different) opportunities to socialise. There are many different ways your child can meet new friends – 1-on-1 playdates, playgroups and preschool are but a few. By mixing it up and showing your child that he/she is able to socialise in various contexts will further increase his/her confidence and enable him/her to play with others willingly.

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Тhe form of playing is changing with each new stage of child’s development. At the age of 7 language and the power of speech become an integral part of all playing phases. Simultaneously, learning process is the central activity of the school-age children. However, at this age kids still like to have fun and are attracted by imaginative games and activities; and are able to expand their playing environment to outdoors – sports fields, parks, and streets where the number of children participating is increasing.

Physical play includes activities that rely on physical movements. Children use their energy and have the chance to develop gross and fine motor skills, learn new things, and socialize. Ball play, crawling on the ground, climbing up the slope, and various combat games are some of the examples of physical play. The games with obstacles are also very challenging, as children like to demonstrate their abilities to others. Kids love using appropriate props for different games. The competitions with common rules that are respected by all participants are also very important for this stage of child’s development.

At the age of 8 playing becomes even more creative. Children start to create, build or assemble objects. Role play is also important at this stage and they enjoy playing together in larger groups. Kids are able to accurately imitate adults and become more critical of their roles, which makes them more realistic. If kids feel lonely, or if no one understands them properly, they get attached to animals or pets. In this period girls and boys can develop some interests and hobbies such as collecting paper napkins, marbles, and stickers. Toys recommended for this age are: balls, musical instruments, construction sets, devices, collections of different objects, computer.

Playing activities decrease with age. Eleven and twelve year olds play less than younger children, since they limit the choice of games only to those they like most. Sports are again present during this period and cooperative play becomes more intense, however this depends on children’s sociability. Kids like playing in pairs and groups, showing that the ability to cooperate with others is growing. Combat games (soldiers, bandits, Indians, cowboys, martial arts fighters) are extremely attractive to the boys of this age. Children also become interested in stories about nature. Playing becomes more meaningful, rather intellectual than physical, and children try to maintain objectivity. Toys they like to play with are also more realistic, such as electric cars, trains, and planes. Play themes resemble technical, mechanical and construction activities. Creative play helps children become more imaginative, make plans and create. Such manner of playing is very important for their development, since it contributes to the variety and resilience of mental combinations. Kids like social games, e.g. ‘Don’t get angry’, card games, but they also love to solve riddles, retell humorous events, and go to football matches.

Impression game, or so-called “Year Robinson spent on a desert island”, can be a lot of fun, too. Children are delighted with Robinson, they like his adventures, heroic stories, stories about animals, and travelling. The mind starts to gain control over imagination. Respecting the rules becomes a matter of honour, thus leading children towards what’s right and wrong.

Through play children can often reflect on what they have experienced, their fears, desires and interests. Carefully observing their behaviour and dialogue when they are playing, adults can influence child’s development, and make sure it is heading in the right direction. Playing is not just about having fun. Moreover, it is a very important process for children, regarding all the functions it has in their development. It is children’s right to play, and the duty of the society is to secure them that right, to promote it, and to use every free moment to play with them!

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Toddlers, at times, prefer to play on their own. They may spend hours making up stories with their favourite toys. They like to build, draw, paint, invent and explore their environment by themselves. They will also like to read. Around age 2 and 3, children become more aware of the people in their world, and move from solitary play to parallel play. As they play independently with toys, they start to see themselves as a part of a social group, yet still remain egocentric in their thinking. Children at this stage enjoy playing next to other children with the same game or activity, but they may not want to interact or play together.

For toddlers, playing is an essential part of learning. Playing helps them develop physical skills, self-esteem and confidence.

Reading expands toddlers’ knowledge of words and helps them learn to talk. They also enjoy scribbling on paper with crayons, pencils and paints. They understand that pictures can depict objects, and scribbles gradually become more representative pictures during this period, though they are still more interested in the process than the product. Toddlers generally love playing with water – emptying and filling containers, playing with the hose, pouring water from a teapot into a cup, or enjoying bath toys.

Over time, toddlers gain increased control over basic gross and fine-motor skills. Interest in gross-motor activity increases with newly found physical strength and basic coordination, and they especially enjoy balancing, climbing, running, jumping, throwing, catching, playing with sand, or pushing and pulling wheeled objects. By the time toddlers are three, dress-ups, playing house, climbing and running are likely to be favourite activities.

In addition, toddlers want to see how things work. They will open and close drawers, turn containers upside down to check out their contents, and place all sorts of objects into all sorts of holes to see what happens.

Action is the name of the game for toddlers, who delight in running, jumping, climbing and riding.

Ride-on-toys, such as low tricycle, or a foot-to-floor vehicle, low climbing toys, large balls, and outdoor items like a sandbox, or wading pool are good choice for developing gross motor skills.

Take-apart toys, pop-up toys and simple puzzles satisfy toddlers’ curiosity about how things work, reinforcing their hand-eye coordination, understanding of spatial orientation, and cause and effect. Furthermore, one of the best type of toys are block sets. Picture books with fun rhymes and bright illustrations are also likely to fascinate toddlers. They will get crafty with crayons and butchers paper, or be creative with play dough, hand puppets or dress-ups.

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