Picture a Venn diagram. Three circles. You, your child, and the internet. Each circle is its own entity, but as all three are intertwined, there are differences in the dynamics shared between the three. Learning how to create a safe environment within this Venn diagram will help you protect your child from cyberbullying and ultimately teach them to become responsible digital citizens.

Let’s clarify: Circle A represents you. Circle B represents your child. And, circle C represents that thing we call the internet. Sometimes in life, it’s necessary to focus in real close, to the details … other times, it’s more important to zoom out and take a look at how everything is connected in the big picture.

This Venn diagram shows four spaces between our three circles. Each space signifies a special relationship that every person, parent or child, has to learn how to navigate through.

Let’s begin with space 1: Your own relationship with technology.

 This is a self-evaluation stage, between circle “a” and circle “c”. Overlooked a lot of the time, but the way you act as a parent, regardless of what you preach, indirectly affects how your child behaves. Think about your own relationship with technology. Are you pleased with how much time you’re spending online? Do you spend time scrolling through social media mindlessly?

Would you be okay with your child adopting your online habits?

Setting boundaries for yourself is equally as important as telling your child to turn off the computer or to put down the phone. Recalibrate your own online habits and you’ll create a guideline for your child to follow. Children often mimic the actions they see their parents take, or don’t take. Don’t underestimate the power these small – yet pivotal – reflections can have.

Space 2: The parent-child relationship, itself.

Every relationship is unique, especially parent-child relationships (circle “a” and circle “b”). While this is a subject matter entirely on its own, the space we are concerned with in our trusty Venn diagram is that of communication. Building trust for open dialogue between you and your child is a crucial link to preventing cyberbullying. Knowing that they have a space to speak freely to you, children can feel comfortable coming to you to talk about what they do or do not know about, what I believe is still the greatest mystery of our time, the internet! It’s essential that your child knows they can trust you with what happens online: the good and the bad. When confronted in this space:

• listen to their concerns or troubles
• respond calmly with compassion
• be prepared to learn yourself

While this is a space to nurture your parent-child bond as a preventative measure against the isolation, secrecy, and mental illness associated with cyber-bullying, should your child find himself or herself in such a circumstance the key is to hold this space safe for them to ask for your help.

Setting guidelines for a responsible digital presence and protection from cyberbullying is what a child of the 21st century needs. Copyright: Syda Productions

Space 3: Your child’s personal experience with the online world.

As time goes on and technology advances, the interactions we have with it become more intimate. Parents must accept that these moments won’t always happen in your presence. It is up to you, in other spaces, to instill the right foundation of awareness and confidence so that when your child does interact with the online world, between circle “b” and circle “c,” he or she will act responsibly as a digital citizen. There is the option of totally cutting kids off from social media, for instance, but it is unlikely he or she won’t ever interact with the online world at some point.

Learning how to be mindful of the digital footprint you leave behind is a skill we all must learn and prepare our children for.

Ultimately, allowing children a sense of freedom of choice, after adequately preparing them, leads to stronger confidence and trust in your parent-child relationship.

Space 4: The sweet spot.

This is where you, your child, and the internet are all in one space. This is where you have the authority to enforce rules and restrictions that you deem necessary. Building a healthy relationship with technology usage may mean:

• keeping the computer in a common area of the home
• asking your child to show you his or her social media profiles
• setting time limits
• monitoring their behavior during and after online interactions
• asking for help if you need it

Make sure to keep any limitations reasonable. Going back to space 2, in keeping the dialogue open, maybe explain to your child why you are taking these preventative measures. Be transparent. If they understand that you are not trying to take something away from him or her but instead protecting them from the dangers of online behaviors, they may be more acclimated to abide by your rules and not retreat to unhealthy online habits. Kids are more receptive when they know they are being treated with respect.

It comes down to communication.

Above all, perhaps it’s more important, now more than ever, to learn to communicate with your child. Children are always learning and absorbing information; all the science in the world can tell you that. Talk to them about creating a responsible digital presence.

Just as technology keeps advancing, so should you as a parent. Don’t let this trouble you. Instead, take delight in the challenge of adapting to your child’s growing mind and developing character! Learn to create a system that works for you and your child with simple boundaries that will lead you to a healthier relationship with technology itself. Let’s put an end to cyberbullying.

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The Internet has become one of our most useful resources when it comes to finding answer to all sorts of questions. Now children find the information they are looking for by typing it into Google’s search box on their phone or computer. This process is much more convenient than getting to the next library or searching through large encyclopedias in order to find public information on a topic. Yet, this convenience is compromised by the danger of finding inappropriate information.

The Children-friendly Search Engine in Action

So far search engines have not been the best friends of parents when trying to keep children safe online. But Kiddle, the search engine powered by Google safe search, was invented to fix this issue. The designers of Kiddle decided to go for an interface that looks an awful lot like the one Google uses, making children less suspicious of using a different search engine than their parents or older brothers and sisters. The only major difference is that the designers exchanged the white webpage found on Google’s homepage with a much more fun looking space themed background and a robot in front of the search box. So how does the search engine work?

Copyright: Africa Studio

Working the same way other search engines do, children can write a query into the search box and Kiddle will pull up a list of links including news, images and videos matching the search request. According to research carried out by Tech Times, Kiddle classifies search results into three categories: the first results are handpicked by Kiddle’s editors, results further down the page are written in easy language and focus their attention on children as their main audience, and the rest of the links are pages that are chosen by Google safe search. As if by magic, inappropriate search results will not appear at all.

In more detail, results hand-picked by the editors ensure that they are children-friendly. In most of the searches, the first three articles will be written for children. The majority of the other results will be picked by Goggle safe search. These pages are tailored for adult audiences which may make it more difficult for children to understand the content but Kiddle guarantees that these website do not include any inappropriate topics.

Children’s Privacy, Inappropriate Searches and Celebrities

Regarding data protection, unlike Google, Kiddle promises that logs are cleared very day and that the search engine does not save or collect any personal information. When it comes to children searching for inappropriate content themselves, Kiddle will flag this search by showing an angry looking robot asking to try again. This should be a very welcome relief for parents who know that their children love to play with search engines and who try to make inappropriate search requests because they are interested to see what information they can find.   There is also a form where parents can submit further key words that should be blocked in case there are words that have not yet been blocked.

Copyright: Tatyana Vyc

Kiddle’s safe search does not only protect children when they try to find suitable information for school projects, it also works for searches on celebrities. Inappropriate behaviours, ambitious music videos or images unsuitable for children are filtered. For instance, if a child were to search the former Disney actor Selena Gomez, the newest music video would be blocked as well as her starring in the 16+ rated movie called ‘spring breakers’ and her controversial relationship to former boyfriend Justin Bieber.

The Limits of Protection

However, according to an article published by the BBC, media has been criticising Kiddle recently due to the fact that there were and still are search anomalies such as the blocking of the celebrity Pamela Anderson but not the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. Words that were also blocked by the search engine until recently included the adjectives gay and lesbian. This decision triggered protests by campaign groups who argued that Kiddle should allow children to read about these terms from a children-friendly perspective rather than leaving them uneducated and risking that children turn to alternative search engines finding inappropriate information instead.

Copyright: Ilike

In the digital age, there are many dangers online that require parents’ supervision no matter how much parents trust their children. Parents should keep in mind that Kiddle cannot shield children 100% from inappropriate content. In the end, parents need to pay attention to the search history of the phones and tablets of their youngsters. Since control mechanisms only have a limited scope, it may be a good idea to have age-appropriate conversations with children on a regular basis in order to teach them how important it is to use the Internet responsibly.

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When I typed “how to make the Internet safer for your kids” in a Google search, I was presented with a list of 112 million results from all over the web in just 0.39 seconds. Isn’t it amazing?! In the era of modern technology we can use the Internet to study, or to chat with our friends and relatives regardless of their location on the globe. Furthermore, we are able to go on a virtual tour and visit the world’s famous museums, art galleries and historic sites, or find the information we need using encyclopaedias such as Wikipedia. There are countless similar benefits online that facilitate and enhance the quality of our lives. However, the Internet has its dark side too.

The Internet offers easy access to contents that are inappropriate for children, ranging from pornography, child abuse images, excessive violence or race hate materials, to incorrect data. Internet has become an essential element of children’s lives, bringing considerable benefits for their education and development. In most cases, children use the Internet for communication and entertainment, homework or school projects. Children and young people go online to connect with friends, and make new ones, to browse the internet for information, chat with others and play games. They may search for information or content on search engines like Google and Bing, share images and watch videos through websites or mobile apps like Instagram, Pinterest, Vine and YouTube, use social networking websites like Facebook and Twitter They can also write or reply to messages on forums and message boards, play games alone or with others through websites, apps or game consoles, chat with other people through online games, BBM (Blackberry Messenger), game consoles, webcams, social networks and tools like WhatsApp.

However, there are many security and privacy risks children face on the Internet. For example, a child can accidentally accept and share a file that can expose the whole family to risks of cyberbullying and cyber crime. They can easily make contact with predators who pose as peers or confidants, asking the kids to meet in person. The most vulnerable are children that parents left unsupervised. Therefore, it’s important to understand the impact of the Internet on minors in order to enhance their protection and support when using the Internet.

Try to strike the right balance between keeping an eye on your child and giving them the independence and freedom to explore. Simply sheltering them from the online world might not help them in the long run. They need a chance to learn how to behave online, and find out what’s out there.

Here are some tips to show you how to keep your children safe online:

Tip 1 – Get to know the technology

A good start is to learn a bit about the kind of things our children are interested in, help them locate suitable sites (which you can bookmark as favourites) before looking at additional software and browser functions to stop them stumbling across unsuitable sites. Another good tip is to encourage them to share information with us and talk about the sites they’ve visited from the very first time they use the web. This helps to create a sense of security, respect and openness that they can continue to apply as their use of the web increases. In addition, it’s important for parents to get to know the slang and abbreviations the kids use online. Some of the most common acronyms and abbreviations used on the net are:  LOL (laughing out loud), JK (just kidding), PIR (parent in room) and MIRL (meet in real life). There are also symbols for expressing different emotions (J – smile, D-laughing loud, L- sadness, anger). Thus, this can help parents to understand better their children’s online activities and internet usage.

Tip 2 – Talk about the Internet

Open communication between parents and children about the joys and dangers of the Internet is one of the best ways to keep your children safe. Surf with your child. Have them show you their favourite sites and activities. You should look to ensure your child is comfortable talking to you about anything they discover online. Make sure they know not to talk to strangers and to never give out their real name, address or other identifying information. As your children get older, and technology changes, make sure you keep talking about what they’re doing online and how to stay safe.

Tip 3 – Set rules and agree boundaries

It’s useful to agree on some ground rules together. These will depend on your child’s age and what you feel is right for them, but you might want to consider:

• the amount of time they can spend online
• when they can go online
• the websites they can visit or activities they can take part in
• sharing images and videos
• how to treat people online and not post anything they wouldn’t say face-to-face.

Tip 4 – Keep the computer in an open environment

Locating a child’s computer in a common area of the house facilitates better parental supervision. A centrally located PC increases the likelihood of a fast parental response should the child encounter cyber bullying or solicitation from an online sexual predator.

Tip 5 -Teach your children to use the Internet responsibly

Help them to understand how to avoid online dangers and use the Internet responsibly. It’s important for your kids to know that everything online is permanent. Everyone could potentially see their “likes” and “favorites” as well as their comments on other photos. This permanency counts for their online reputation. In addition, teach them not to post any personal information online, never to give out their passwords and not to befriend people they don’t know. Moreover, they should respect other people’s views. Even if they don’t agree with someone else’s views doesn’t mean they need to be rude. Thus, the Internet can be a tool that will not threaten the safety of your children.

Tip 6 – Filter, monitor and restrict

The best way to protect your children, especially if they are younger than 10, is to set up parental controls to stop your child from seeing unsuitable or harmful content online. The most popular programs parents can install to monitor their child’s activities and block inappropriate websites are NetNanny, SentryPC, KidsWatch, Time Sheriff, Web Watcher etc. These programs may also help you to screen the material you child receives via e-mail or in chat rooms.

When online, children and young people can learn new things, get help with homework, express themselves creatively and connect with friends and family. There are also risks, but by understanding and talking about the dangers you can help keep your child safe online.

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For someone like me, who lives an ocean away from the majority of her friends and family, social media is a godsend. I love that my friends share photos of their lives on social media and I look forward to seeing the pictures of their new babies and other big milestones. It helps me feel a little less far away and, really, who doesn’t love a cute baby photo?

But when you put anything online, it can easily escape you because you can’t control what everyone else does with it, on what platforms they may repost it, or with whom they share it.

A Question of Consent

Today’s generation of parents is the first one facing the current sharing conundrum. Sharing parts of your life is one thing, but when you begin to share moments of your child’s life it is no longer quite so clear-cut. Your child has no say in what you put online featuring him or her. Those baby pictures of your daughter are really cute, but what if, down the road, she sees that naked-in-the-tub photo and doesn’t agree? (And wants to know why you shared it with the world?)

Potentially embarrassing photos are one problem, but they aren’t the only one. School admissions committees and recruiters often use social media to learn more about applicants and candidates. Old photos and detailed stories often have ways of sharing aspects of ourselves we later wish were hidden, and if you’re posting things about children who are too young to give their consent, you may want to sit down with them when they are older and go through and delete things they are not comfortable sharing online.

It Can Be Touchy Subject

No matter how you feel about sharing photos of your children on social media, there are many people who would agree with you and probably just as many who feel differently. There may not be one right answer for everyone, but think about what the right thing is for you and your family.

If you choose not to have photos of your children put up on any of the many social media sites, make sure others are aware of your desire. Some people may not share your concerns and could even feel like your choice is an attack on them, since they have no such qualms in sharing photos of their own children. On the other hand, if you do want to share photos of your child on social media, you are definitely not alone, although you should respect the privacy of those who request it.

There Are Alternatives to Facebook

I don’t post pictures of my family on my personal blog, and that’s my choice. My face is there, once or twice, so readers can have an idea of who I am – much like the author photo on the back cover of a book – and I do have (many) photos of my dog. I love waking up in the morning and checking out the new Facebook and Instagram photos my friends put up because it helps me stay more connected with them and what is going on in their lives.

But not all of my friends post photos of their kids on sites like Facebook and Instagram. In fact, there are some great alternatives if you want to share photos and stories of your kids, but in a more controlled setting than the majority of the existing social media sites.

You can post pictures to a closed, invite-only site using something like Shutterfly, and have a monthly email digest sent out to those you have invited to view the photos. Another option is to create a password-protected blog and post all your updates there instead of posting them on  Facebook.

Controlling Privacy

Regardless of how you feel about sharing photos and updates of your kids on social media sites, now might be a good time to go check your privacy settings. Sites like Facebook are constantly updating and changing settings, so it is a good idea to periodically check your profiles and make sure everything is set the way you want it. This is always a good thing to do but it is especially important if you are sharing pictures of your children, too. You are the gatekeeper to their digital privacy, and it is a job that should be taken seriously.

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This only adds to a parent’s anxiety about their child’s online presence. But what impact are the social networking platforms your children use actually having on them, for the worse, but also for the better?

Whilst Facebook states that users must be at least 13 to set up an account, and Twitter more loosely states that its services are ‘not directed to persons under 13’, today’s parents are well aware that their children have an innate knowledge of social networking and may well be exposed to these sites under the suggested age limit. Though Twitter’s privacy policy states that “[if] we become aware that a child under 13 has provided us with personal information, we take steps to remove such information and terminate the child’s account”, the self-evident passivity of tone is hard to ignore. Twitter would have to be made aware of an underage online presence, and by this stage, any negative activity may have escalated. Whilst Twitter notes that ‘targeted abuse or harassment is [“¦] a violation of the Twitter Rules and Terms of Service”, it is still a platform which is proud of its policy to ‘not mediate content or intervene in disputes between users’, and although this is not the time and place for an argument on the limits of free speech, it is arguably this freedom which provokes the cyber bullying of which we see examples almost daily in the press, from all over the globe. So what can be done to mediate social media presence, creating as positive environment as possible for your child?

Online – Offline World

Twitter themselves suggest that we “keep a healthy life balance”; parents are role models for their children, thus they should demonstrate the importance of a balance between online and other activities by encouraging family activities offline as well as online. Obviously, balance is key in terms of avoiding reliance upon an online world, and children need to learn social skills outside of this online environment. For a child who undertakes a heavy amount of online activity, a world which may seem easy to turn off and ignore becomes the social scape on which they found their personality and relationships, so a parent should never undervalue their emphasis on relations in the offline world. Examples such as the tragic suicide of Hannah Smith last year, blamed on anonymous bullying she faced on popular teen site Ask.fm, make it clear how much self-worth can rely on a nameless, faceless online population.

Cyber Bullying

The vast increase in the incidence of cyber bullying must be of concern to society. The impact that such activity has can be far-reaching. Although much is dependent on the medium used, online bullying can often leave a permanent record of the incident for others to see and the exposure of the comments or activity can reach a far wider audience than traditional bullying would ever have done. Indeed, the trident effect of online bullying – a wider audience, permanent record and increased prevalence – greatly multiplies the potential harm that can be caused by this behaviour.

Benefits of Social Media

Evidence suggests, however, that use of social media can in fact be very beneficial to a growing mind. Dr Jim Taylor of the University of San Francisco wrote a paper entitled The Bad, the Ugly, and the Good of Children’s Use of Social Media, in which he explores both positives and negatives. When we spoke to him for this article, he led us through his argument:

The question is not  should your children have access to social media”, because they will. This is the world in which they are growing up. The more pertinent question is how social media can be used as a tool for their healthy development rather than as a weapon that harms their development.

This point, he highlights, is crucial. He does not shy away from the possible negative impact of social media, noting the correlation between social media overuse and many mental health problems including Histrionic and Antisocial Personality Disorders, Bipolar Disorder and Paranoid Personality Disorders, to name but a few.

He does note, however, that both ‘virtual’ and ‘real-world’ empathy is increased by social media stimulation, as well as encouraging technological advancement, and even stress mitigation in some cases.¹ He told us that:

Social media can be beneficial to children by giving them additional ways to communicate, and build and maintain relationships. It is also a way they can satisfy their curiosity about other people.

As well as highlighting the technological skills children can develop, he also pointed out that ‘[children] can become addicted to social media and spend an unhealthy amount of time on it. An obsession with social media also has huge opportunity costs; time spent on social media is time not spent sleeping, eating, studying, exercising, and interacting directly with others.‘

No parent wants to deprive their child of the social and technological benefits that social media use can entail, but this intangible world can be difficult to understand and mediate if you aren’t a part of it. As with most parts of parenting, the answer is not straight-cut and simple. A good place to start, however, is moderation. ‘As with most things in life,’ Dr Taylor noted, ‘parents should set limits on the types and quantity of social their children use’. Though there is no cure-all, we have to imbue this situation with the importance it deserves, and foster an open and eager attitude when children have any queries or problems to discuss.

David Cook is a solicitor specialising in cyber-crime at law firm Pannone and spoke to Dr Jim Taylor, Ph.D., author of Raising Generation Tech: Prepare Your Children for a Media-fueled World.

• 1 Dr Jim Taylor, The Bad, the Ugly, and the Good of Children’s Use of Social Media (http://drjimtaylor.com/2.0/parenting/the-bad-the-ugly-and-the-good-of-childrens-use-of-social-media/) 24/01/14

Photo credits

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