Parent’s everyday life is usually overwhelmed by various obligations. When we’re tired, sad, stressed or sick, it is very hard to find the energy and patience needed to encourage the child’s development the way we want to.

Our “Self” that’s under stress or depressed is not very good at teaching children lessons, skills and values we want them to adopt.

Children need our love and attention. However, they also need their parents to be happy, halthy and satisfied, bacause only our “best Self” has the energy and patience these lessons require.

Parents often feel guilty when they put their needs first. However, we need to deal with such feeling, because our happiness and health are one of the best gifts we can give our children. A parent that has the energy to play with the child, to listen to them, praise them or talk to them means much more to the child than any toy that may put the parent under stress to, or a dinner that made the parent tired for preparing it.

Therefore, it is not only FINE to take care of satisfying your own needs, but it is the KEY to the well-being of your children.

Taking care of yourself can be the best thing for your child’s well-being. Copyright: Kinga

How to practice caring for yourself?

No parent achieves their “best Self” all the time. Such perfection is impossible. However, we can make an effort to dedicate more time to accomplish our “best Self”.

Practicing love for yourself and gratitude is one of the ways to practice self-care.

For that reason, you should occasionally ask yourself the following questions:

• What are some of your qualities that you admire? What are you good at?
• How  often do you criticize yourself? And how often do you forgive yourself easily? When was the last time you praised yourself?
• What are you proud of and what are you grateful for in life?

Expressing gratitude releases chemicals improving health and happiness. In one experiment, people who wrote a ‘thank you’ note to a person they held dear, and then asked them to read the note aloud, were happier for months afterward. In another one, people who wrote a list each week consisting of 5 things that happened the week before, and which they were grateful for, were noticeably happier and more optimistic.

Still, we all have different things that help us accomplish our best self. That’s why it’s a good idea to take a piece of paper and answer the following questions:

• When do you accomplish being your best (calmest and happiest) “self”?
• Do you have any rituals that always make you calmer or happier?
• Which hobbies did you enjoy before you had children?
• How often do you speak with your friends or your family? Is it often enough?
• How do you feel when you go outside? How about after a walk? And after exercising?
• Are you a creative person? Do you have enough outlets to express yourself?

How to find time to take care of yourself?

It is much harder to find, dedicate and use the time for yourself than to take care of your child. However, it is really necessary for you to take some time for yourself and show yourself and your body some love. This can be ten minutes of reading a book or listing the things you are grateful for at the end of the day. Exercise may consist of taking three deep breaths before you take the first sip of your morning coffee.

Whatever suits you the most, it is important to turn those activities into a habit and do something for yourself every day.

You probably have many ideas on how you can practice your best self as often as possible. I would suggest you try the following:

• use the time while your child is asleep to take care of yourself, not just to perform a task;
• go to places where your child can play without your direct supervision, so you can talk to other parents or have some time for yourself (e.g. playgrounds, get-togethers);
• determine which chores you can let others do because you can’t do everything by yourself;
• learn to ask for help from others when you need it and don’t feel bad about it;
• learn to say NO if something is unimportant to you – it is not simple, but it is necessary; and
• instead of spending time with electronic devices (phone, TV, computer), take better care of yourself.

Self-care can be ten minutes of reading a book or listing the things you are grateful for at the end of the day. Copyright:  today.com

It’s important to know that taking care of yourself is also a way to teach children values and good habits because children learn from what they see.

If children see you neglect your own habits, they will learn that it is more important to take care of others than oneself and that they don’t deserve respect and care. On the contrary, if they watch you dedicate some time for yourself and take responsibility for your own needs, your own happiness, and welfare, they will learn self-respect, self-efficacy, self-confidence, and independence.

Striving to accomplish your “best Self” and have your needs satisfied is one of the best things you can do for your child. This will make you very good at parenting. It will also make an excellent example that helps your child learn self-respect. Moreover, this will make you fully ready to give your child all the necessary love.

Smiljana Grujic  is a psychologist and psychotherapist dedicated to education, and a program manager for the Novak Djokovic Foundation.   The focus of her work is compassionate communication and emotions management.

Smiljana is the coordinator of the “Support, not Perfection” program that supports parents who have children 0-6 years old.

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It was one of those hot summers. My father was driving us in our crimson red Yugo Skala 55 – a pride of the Yugoslav car industry of the time. I still remember how nicely how it  smelled when I first saw it in front of the house. All of my friends came to our backyard to admire it. However, that afternoon, some other things – not the smell – stayed imprinted in my memory: three suitcases in the trunk, Toshiba TV and a Grundig video recorder on the back seat – squeezed between my brother and me. My mom and dad were in front. There was no music that day. No sound uttered between my parents. Nothing. We sat and drove in silence.

The war had just started in Bosnia and Herzegovina. It was a very bad time. Neighbors had became enemies. There was nothing but hatred all around us. We had to leave our home town. Without turning back. Every second counted, since the troops were all around the country.

All of a sudden a few men in the uniforms jumped out on the road, and stopped our car. They carried rifles. For us this could have meant either life or death. We were frozen with fear. My mom started to cry as they approached us. My dad, without a word, gave them his ID. After the soldier read my father’s  name, he  leaned towards the car window and said:  “No need to be afraid! You are ours. You can go now”. My father continued to drive. Silently. My mother was still sobbing. I remember her every tear dripping down her face.

Years later, my mother was on another road that wrote our destiny. Every Friday afternoon, after she would finish with her job  in Banja Luka, she would return to our small rented flat in Jevrejska street. It would take her 20 minutes or so to pack candies and other little things for my brother and me before heading to the bus station so she could come to see us. It would take her several long hours to get to Belgrade where my dad was always waiting to drive her home. This was our routine for years.

Every time she would enter the door, her eyes were bright, and she smiled asking if we were hungry, if everything was ok, and how we spent our day in school. I knew she had to be very tired, but she never wanted to  show it. The only thing she cared about was spending the weekend with us – her children and her  husband. But even that never lasted long. She could only stay for a day and a half, and on Sunday evening, she’d have to return  to Banja Luka. She felt  so alone and so sad each time. On Monday morning, she’d be in her office again with some  very responsible and hard work awaiting. She never complained.

My mom is a true fighter, and that is one of the things I am proud to have learned from her.  In life you have to fight for people  and things  that mean a lot to you.

Those years that she lived away from us, she never missed a single weekend to come and see us, regardless of how long she had to travel (she also worked in other far away cities), or the danger she was exposed to on the way to us.

In 1999 bombs were falling all over Serbia. Despite that, she was still coming to see us. Every weeekend. I know she was afraid back in the day. We all were. It was not advisable back in the day to travel like that,  but she always talked about those  trips with ease. As if nothing bad could  have happened to her on those long journeys to us. But when I reflect on it now,  this was just the way my family always struggled to survive and stay together. Despite the odds. Coming from the war in Herzegovina to survive another “war” (bombing) in Serbia was not easy.  My parents had put all of their efforts to provide everything for my brother and me, in order for us to have a normal and happy childhood and to receive proper education. We also managed to save enough money to buy a new apartment. We always led a modest life, but we had a clear goal: to fight for a better life. We believed in our dreams, principles and values. Each of us gave  our  contribution to reach this goal as much as we  could.

My parents taught me that I have to fight for the things  I  want, that I can’t just sit around  and wait for them to happen.  Because they won’t. They told us we needed to work hard to make all our dreams come true. Sometimes even five times as hard as  others in order to become successful, to achieve our potentials, and to differentiate ourselves from the masses.

But, that wasn’t that hard. We were “different” from the get-go. We came to Serbia when the war was raging in 1992. Some have considered us less important, less smart, or not good enough compared to the people born in Belgrade. The eyes of disapproval and disrespect followed us everywhere – at school, at work, in our new neighborhood. I told my parents how I felt, and they explained to me that I have to be twice as good as any student in my class, that I have to study twice as much as others and to behave impeccably if I want to earn the trust of my schoolmates. 23 years later these words still echo in my ears. I listened to the advice they gave me then. It changed everything for the better. I quickly made a lot of new friends and became one of the best students at school.  Hard work, dedication to the school duties and responsibilities, together with good manners my mother and father taught me, opened many doors for me later in life.  It helped me to finish primary school with the best grades, to enroll in one of the best high schools in our city, to finish my secondary education as if it was a piece of cake, to be an excellent university student, to find a good job and be successful in it. To have my own family.

My mother’s unselfish love for me and my brother, her struggle and hard work, have all shaped my personality.  I followed her example on how to get the best of life. To do the things the same way she did. To believe in the same moral values and principles. To be a good man. Even today, no matter how busy she is at work or how tired she is, she always finds time to be with us. Nothing is ever too hard for her. If she had to, I know she’d cross the world for our happiness and welfare and she would not mutter a single complaint. We are her little world and she proves it every step of her way. She always finds a way to cheer us up, to encourage us, to make the most delicious donuts in the world. With marmalade, of course. To prepare a nice Sunday lunch and gather all our family around the table.

Dear mother, I cannot thank you enough for all the support and love that you have given us.  Thank you for always being by my side.  I wish my daughter Mina would grow up to be just like you – a true fighter, with big heart and love for everyone.  

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Share the love in your heart this Mother’s Day. It just might change everything.

The post Mother, Thank You for Everything appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

World of information is just a click away nowadays, and when a kid wants to read or listen to a story, he or she can find everything on the internet. Simple as that. However, you can change this modern habit by actually telling them family stories. You know – sit with them, and talk. No computers, no TV. Try to make a family tradition out of storytelling, and pass it down to future generations. This can bind you, and make your family even stronger.

One of our previous blog posts was about the importance of reading books to children in their development. We have also learned about the positive and negative impacts of cartoons on kids. However, it seems that we somehow neglected the family and its role in all this. The increasingly rapid pace of life today and online access to a wide range of interesting facts and information make us distant, trapped into our own micro-worlds, while family members meet only when it’s dinner time, or during family celebrations.

You can change this by establishing a nice family tradition – tell family stories to your children, share and make with them lasting memories. This is exactly what our grandparents used to do when we were young, remember? They would wait until the whole family was gathered around the table and talk about the memories from their childhood, anecdotes how they met and fell in love, and adventures of their children.

I remember one of the stories my grandmother on my mother’s side used to told me. She talked about how she met my grandfather, unexpectedly and completely by accident. As a 19-year-old girl she got a new job, and moved from Belgrade to Donji Milanovac. As she came with all the suitcases in front of the door of her new workplace, she noticed it was locked, and that all the workers had left long ago. Having nowhere to go, she had put the suitcases on the ground and sat on them – she was all alone in a new city, without friends and relatives to help her. At that moment my grandfather, the army officer, came along. He was tall and handsome, riding a horse with combed spots like a chess table. He immediately noticed her, and she liked him too. Having seen her so young and alone, and a bit frightened, he didn’t hesitate to help her find accommodation. Of course, they fell in love and got married, had six children, 9 grandchildren, 8 great-grandchildren, and lived happily ever after just like in fairy tales.

Telling family stories, memories and anecdotes, making family photo albums and videos, keeping some special things that remind us of holidays, birthdays or family vacations builds a stronger relationship between parents and children, grandchildren and grandparents, and family members in general. In this way we learn about our family, discover family secrets, and become more united. In the same time, we build understanding for each other, and pass on to our children priceless family heritage, such as culture, traditions and family values, built for generations.

You can tell your children stories from your childhood or share memories about someone you liked from kindergarten, your first love letters from primary school, or when a boy asked you to go out for the first time. Your children will then pass these memories to their kids and grandchildren, and so on, keeping our memories alive.

In my family there are many memories and happy moments from the past we like to share and talk about. Each time I remember some of them, I realize how lucky and blessed I am to have them. Although my grandma have passed away long ago, she is still living in the stories that she, grandpa, my mother, aunts and uncles used to told me when I was a child.

Therefore, tell your children family stories, establish your own family traditions and you will give them the most valuable gift they can ever get – the sense and importance of family.

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In its resolution, which  proclaimed  June 1st as  the Global Day of Parents, the United Nations stated how the the family has the primary responsibility for the care and protection of the children. More so, it was stated that the children should be allowed to  grow up in a family environment, in an atmosphere of happiness, love and understanding with the goal of full and comprehensive personality development.

The role of parents in raising children is the basis and the foundation of our community and society. Parents play a key role as guardians and teachers of their children to prepare them for a happy, productive and fulfilling live. For this reason, this day is celebrated in honor of one of the most important and most responsible life roles .

Global Day of  Parents is a great opportunity to thank your parents for everything they have done and do for you, regardless whether  you are still young or have found yourselve in this responsible role.

Let’s spend this day with  the people who give us unconditional love and who have dedicated their entire life  to raising, educating and introducing us  to  the world.

How will you spend this day? Please comment below. We’d love to hear your experiences.  

Source

Photo credit:  Family on the Beach  by Visit St. Pete/Clearwater

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You have just come home from work, nervous and exhausted. Your child wants to do something, but you harshly say NO! The child tries to explain why he wants to do it, but you simply don’t want to listen. Has such a situation ever happened to you, when you’re torn between so many duties in the office and other responsibilities, that you start to yell at your child for a trivial thing when you finally get home? Frankly, it happened to me on several occasions.

Don’t try to justify yourself with lame excuses for not being able to listen to their stories. How many times have we heard from others they lead a pretty hard life, that they’re constantly struggling with the lack of money, or similar things. It can all be true, it can be something that troubles and prevents us from being perfect parents. But, your justifications won’t work with your children. Only other parents can really understand what you are going through. They would nod, cluck, and confirm everything you say, since all of you share the same problems. However, whose love and understanding you need more, of those other parents and people, or of your children?

Therefore, you should be aware how important is to apologize to your kid for any mistakes you make (we all make them). Saying “I’m sorry” can mean a lot in the situation when your child is sitting in the corner in his room alone and sad (and in my case, angry), where you have just sent him because he wanted to tell you something incredibly important (for him, at least ). If you skip to apologize and comfort yourself with the thought how your parents did the same thing when you were young, (“and now there’s nothing wrong with you”), you will endanger future relationship with your child.

There is a possibility to repeat the same mistake more than once. Thus, when your child comes to you with a scratch on his knee, believing he has a good reason for your attention, don’t turn away your head, saying you fell million times as a child, asking him to stop acting like a baby. Or one night, when you get home exhausted, still having a lot of work to do, and he interrupts you with some very important and urgent issue, be patient. Don’t say something like “For goodness sake, leave me alone and get back into your room!”, although you would feel like it.

Similar situations may happen several times until your child stops communicating with you. No one will ever ask you anything or disturb you. You will have plenty of time to work or do whatever you like. However, this might not be good. You will shut that small door that leads to your child. That door isn’t small at all. In fact it’s the biggest door you’ll struggle not to close, for your lifetime

So the next time you fall into this “trap”, don’t forget about your little one to whom you are the whole world. Think how he might feel and don’t make any excuses saying that he will forget everything eventually. Children can forget words and events, but they will never forget how they felt in certain situations, especially if they were hurt by your actions. Thus, go back to your child, hug him and say magical “I’m sorry!” Then, explain him what was the cause of your reaction, and let him to tell you what he wanted. If the child is angry and refuses to communicate, tickle him, tell him something that will make him laugh, or find some other way to cheer him up. You should also be prepared to accept his criticism. My kids, for instance, never miss the opportunity to tell me how rude I was.

Photos

• OneEighteen / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC 2.0)
• land_camera_land_camera / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 2.0 Generic (CC BY-ND 2.0)
• Mother and Daughter  by Fede Racchi  / CC

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Happy NEW 2014!

#NDF

The post If you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

I asked some other friends and relatives the same thing as well. However, the response Sasha gave me, was the best advice I ever got on parenting – you should love your child with all your heart.

Children need and deserve our unconditional love. Although it goes without saying, feeling mere love in your heart for a child is not enough. You have to show your love through loving actions. Love is the basis for every parent-child relationship and a precondition for all other wonderful and precious things we can share with our children. You may wonder how I understood Sasha’s advice?

When you love your child with all your heart, you want to show him or her the world as it should be. You try to point out how beautiful life can be, especially when you are surrounded by so many different people. You will think of various activities and challenging tasks for him, how he can spend time in exciting and creative ways. Loving your child means that you must have time for him. You will often have to explain your decisions and stick to what you have promised. Moreover, you will have to make compromises all the time, be affectionate and try to be there for your child when you are mostly needed.

You should always talk to your child, but also learn to listen what he or she has to say. Being a parent is to understand him. To read him bed time stories and lull him into sleep. To discuss about the things you have read with him. To buy him toys and play with all those things you might have bought for remorse you have had missed something very important. You will need to provide answers that make sense and do that thoughtfully.

Sometimes you will wait with your child in the theater’s lobby for the play to start, or you will take him to the cinema and laugh together at the very same movie characters you have at your own house. You will look forward to Christmas and New Year holidays not only because of the presents you put under the Christmas tree, but because you are decorating your living space together thus making it look like a real home, warm and cozy. You will reminisce the moments and people you have spent time with during the previous year. All these relatives and friends who gave you ornaments for the Christmas tree will come to your mind. Above all, loving your child is living every single moment of your lives with him.

Children are growing faster than we are getting older. At some point, they will be ready to leave and live on their own. Our problem as parents is that we are often not willing to let them go that easily. Because deep inside we know that we could have done better and a lot more for them. But we are running out of time to do so.

As festive season is approaching, we all think about the time we will spend in a warm atmosphere of our home surrounded by the people we love most. Today I packed gifts for our friends with my children. Each of them has been chosen for a reason. I was watching my girls when it crossed my mind that no matter how I tried and how much I love them, I can never be worthy of their existence. The entire life can pass, but during that time we can barely understand how blessed we are for having the opportunity to become mums and dads. All the love we give to our children and all our loving actions are the last hope for us to deserve to have their little hands embracing us in the middle of a sleepy morning. In that dreamy moment, I know that you will share with me the same thought – we are tremendously lucky for being their parents.

Let us share such happiness not only with our own children but with every other child there is. Love can change the world, not just the world of children but the world around us as well. Love is not just a word. Sasha did not even have to tell me that.

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Being special sometimes entails big difficulties. Yet there is always something in common in every child: dream, hope and smile. But can everyone pursue their dreams? The answer must be YES.

If you do not believe it, please check out the Long brothers’ story.

Conner Long is nine year old boy and he has grown up with his youngest brother Cayden, who was diagnosed with a cerebral palsy when he was a really young boy.  Conner had a great idea how to play with his brother and decided to use a special wheelchair so that two of them can participate in triathlon competitions.

Today Long Brothers can laugh, run and enjoy playing together like other children.

With this young boy’s great idea which simply originated from the need of two kids to play together, Connor stroke down, unwittingly, a new barrier.

We have to thank these two boys for their wonderful story. They make us think about how many things can be realised if we only embrace differences between us! That way they become our strength and not a wall that divides us.

What are your thoughts? How do you embrace differences? How do they affect you?

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