• I have a 9-year-old son, he won’t study, he always does things he mustn’t do, he won’t listen when he is told what he shouldn’t do something, what he shouldn’t take, always does the opposite of what his parents tell him.

This kind of behavior must be very frustrating for you and I’m sure it’s not easy. The more you encourage yourself to turn off your own stress siren in these situations, the more likely you are to react in a way that will allow you to see what happens to the child in situations where he/she exhibits the behavior that you characterize as unacceptable.

Every child is different, has their own personality and temperament and learns at a different pace.

When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, it may help to ask yourself what encourages your child to behave that way. What feelings and needs is the child trying to express? Although it may seem that way, the child is not trying to make you angry – the child is behaving like that because he did not get something he needs from you as a parent, which is very important and has unmet needs that underlie the behavior he is showing.

Maybe he needs more structure in relation to you, or support for the daily activities that are in front of him, maybe he wants to choose what is best for him, so he needs an understanding for that.

Help your child express his feelings by telling him, “I think it’s important for you to finish what you started, and you want to choose when you want to do something. Did I understand you well?

In this way, you put yourself in your child’s shoes in order to discover what is important to the child in a given situation. If you blame him, scold   him, label him that he should not behave like that, it is less constructive in situations when the child shows unacceptable behavior. It is much more effective to offer him a choice, to try to understand what he needs in a given situation, than to order him, threaten him, or shout at him.

Parents always wish what is best for their child.

There is one way that has proven to be quite good in situations where you want to determine the behavior that is important for you to support your child. Agree with the child on which behavior will be rewarded. Explain to him that, every time he behaves like that, he will get a sticker, a coin that symbolizes his success. Agree on how many such signs he will have to collect in one week in order to receive a great prize. The great prize can be something that a child wants or something that motivates him. You need to decide on the rewards together.

Whenever you notice this behavior, acknowledge it by giving a reward. You need to keep records together. When you collect the agreed number of stickers during the week, reward him with a bigger prize. When the behavior becomes a habit, gradually stop rewarding it and move on to another challenge. Focus on just one or two behaviors at a time.

• The baby is 18 months old, she likes to play and hang out with others, but when it comes to food or drink, she only wants to take it from me (mother). For example, when she is thirsty, she takes a bottle and brings it to me to feed her, and if I am in the bathroom at that moment, she takes Dad to the bathroom door and explains him to open it and come to me to drink water, she won’t take it from Dad either. Not even chocolate, she takes it from others and brings it to me to give to her or, if I am present, she is waiting for permission. What should I do, because if I leave her with Dad while I have to finish my duties or with my parents, she won’t eat or drink until I get home? What should I do?

I understand that it is difficult and frustrating for you that your little girl does not accept to be fed by other close people in the environment – and that there are situations in which you need to give up your needs in order to satisfy hers. You are additionally burdened by the need that can be met by other close people, so you wonder what it is about.

First of all, I think you should be satisfied, because your child’s behavior says that she knows that you are there for her and for what she needs, and your regular reaction that you practiced, if I understood correctly, contributed to your child a relationship of trust and security. I am sure that the child is learning an important lesson in this situation, although I know that it is not easy to follow it all.
I guess what you would like to teach your child is that she can rely on other close people in the environment for the needs she has; to be more independent. In this sentence, I defined a long-term goal that the child should learn.

Once you have defined a long-term goal, the next step is to think about what you can do on a daily basis to get closer to achieving the long-term goal.

What can you do to make your child more independent and thus be fed by someone else sometimes?
I want to mention that it is important not to forget that recognizable people satisfy the child’s need for security. So far you have been doing this and the girl has linked that feeding is related to mom. Of course, slowly but surely, the child will eventually learn to be connected to other people.
It is only important that you remain calm in the process. Only when you are in that state can you teach your child different things. We need to be connected with ourselves, with the child and not allow ourselves to “get out of our own shoes”.
The described condition is transient, your little girl has made a template for a relationship with you, patience and dedication will eventually teach that others are also there for the things she needs.

Smiljana Grujić is the author and manager of the “Support, NOT Perfection” program, which empowers parents in the most important role in life.

• The boy is 6 years old, and he has been sleeping very restlessly for the last few months. The child is constantly gnashing his teeth, as if eating in his sleep and grabbing the air in order to breathe. We are interested in what could be the reason for that change.

Gritting and gnashing teeth usually occurs in the period when deciduous or permanent teeth grow, and disappears after the process is complete. Parents usually do not notice it because it is present during sleep. I think that you should take your child to the dentist to examine his teeth, as well as to the pediatrician in order to rule out any possible problems that may be the cause of this phenomenon.

A part of children who grow up with certain tensions that accompany their everyday life, where the child does not meet their psychological needs, can lead to disturbed sleep, and even gnashing of teeth, because the child resolves the internal tension while sleeping.

The post Psychologist Smiljana Grujic Answers Parents’ Questions appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

• I have a 9-year-old son, he won’t study, he always does things he mustn’t do, he won’t listen when he is told what he shouldn’t do something, what he shouldn’t take, always does the opposite of what his parents tell him.

This kind of behavior must be very frustrating for you and I’m sure it’s not easy. The more you encourage yourself to turn off your own stress siren in these situations, the more likely you are to react in a way that will allow you to see what happens to the child in situations where he/she exhibits the behavior that you characterize as unacceptable.

Every child is different, has their own personality and temperament and learns at a different pace.

When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, it may help to ask yourself what encourages your child to behave that way. What feelings and needs is the child trying to express? Although it may seem that way, the child is not trying to make you angry – the child is behaving like that because he did not get something he needs from you as a parent, which is very important and has unmet needs that underlie the behavior he is showing.

Maybe he needs more structure in relation to you, or support for the daily activities that are in front of him, maybe he wants to choose what is best for him, so he needs an understanding for that.

Help your child express his feelings by telling him, “I think it’s important for you to finish what you started, and you want to choose when you want to do something. Did I understand you well?

In this way, you put yourself in your child’s shoes in order to discover what is important to the child in a given situation. If you blame him, scold   him, label him that he should not behave like that, it is less constructive in situations when the child shows unacceptable behavior. It is much more effective to offer him a choice, to try to understand what he needs in a given situation, than to order him, threaten him, or shout at him.

Parents always wish what is best for their child.

There is one way that has proven to be quite good in situations where you want to determine the behavior that is important for you to support your child. Agree with the child on which behavior will be rewarded. Explain to him that, every time he behaves like that, he will get a sticker, a coin that symbolizes his success. Agree on how many such signs he will have to collect in one week in order to receive a great prize. The great prize can be something that a child wants or something that motivates him. You need to decide on the rewards together.

Whenever you notice this behavior, acknowledge it by giving a reward. You need to keep records together. When you collect the agreed number of stickers during the week, reward him with a bigger prize. When the behavior becomes a habit, gradually stop rewarding it and move on to another challenge. Focus on just one or two behaviors at a time.

• The baby is 18 months old, she likes to play and hang out with others, but when it comes to food or drink, she only wants to take it from me (mother). For example, when she is thirsty, she takes a bottle and brings it to me to feed her, and if I am in the bathroom at that moment, she takes Dad to the bathroom door and explains him to open it and come to me to drink water, she won’t take it from Dad either. Not even chocolate, she takes it from others and brings it to me to give to her or, if I am present, she is waiting for permission. What should I do, because if I leave her with Dad while I have to finish my duties or with my parents, she won’t eat or drink until I get home? What should I do?

I understand that it is difficult and frustrating for you that your little girl does not accept to be fed by other close people in the environment – and that there are situations in which you need to give up your needs in order to satisfy hers. You are additionally burdened by the need that can be met by other close people, so you wonder what it is about.

First of all, I think you should be satisfied, because your child’s behavior says that she knows that you are there for her and for what she needs, and your regular reaction that you practiced, if I understood correctly, contributed to your child a relationship of trust and security. I am sure that the child is learning an important lesson in this situation, although I know that it is not easy to follow it all.
I guess what you would like to teach your child is that she can rely on other close people in the environment for the needs she has; to be more independent. In this sentence, I defined a long-term goal that the child should learn.

Once you have defined a long-term goal, the next step is to think about what you can do on a daily basis to get closer to achieving the long-term goal.

What can you do to make your child more independent and thus be fed by someone else sometimes?
I want to mention that it is important not to forget that recognizable people satisfy the child’s need for security. So far you have been doing this and the girl has linked that feeding is related to mom. Of course, slowly but surely, the child will eventually learn to be connected to other people.
It is only important that you remain calm in the process. Only when you are in that state can you teach your child different things. We need to be connected with ourselves, with the child and not allow ourselves to “get out of our own shoes”.
The described condition is transient, your little girl has made a template for a relationship with you, patience and dedication will eventually teach that others are also there for the things she needs.

Smiljana Grujić is the author and manager of the “Support, NOT Perfection” program, which empowers parents in the most important role in life.

• The boy is 6 years old, and he has been sleeping very restlessly for the last few months. The child is constantly gnashing his teeth, as if eating in his sleep and grabbing the air in order to breathe. We are interested in what could be the reason for that change.

Gritting and gnashing teeth usually occurs in the period when deciduous or permanent teeth grow, and disappears after the process is complete. Parents usually do not notice it because it is present during sleep. I think that you should take your child to the dentist to examine his teeth, as well as to the pediatrician in order to rule out any possible problems that may be the cause of this phenomenon.

A part of children who grow up with certain tensions that accompany their everyday life, where the child does not meet their psychological needs, can lead to disturbed sleep, and even gnashing of teeth, because the child resolves the internal tension while sleeping.

The post Psychologist Smiljana Grujic Answers Parents’ Questions appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Our Foundation, led by our founders and National Director Maja Kremic, recognized the importance of investing in preschool yards long ago. This donation, worth 363.000 Serbian dinars (3.000 Euros), is particular in the sense that it is primarily intended for children as young as 12 months old, as they haven’t had the adequate conditions to play outside which is why they’ve had to stay inside all the time. The story you are about to hear is yet another indicator that we“”the grassroots people, the stakeholders“”should be the initiators of change or, in Gandhi’s words, be the change we want to see in the world.

Not that long ago, parents whose kids attend “Djurdjevak” (Lily of the valley in English) gathered to clean up and adjust one part of the schoolyard so as to make it accessible for the youngest ones. What they didn’t expect was a surprisingly massive turnout””more than 30 of them joined! Not before they rolled up their sleeves and arranged the yard did they realize the potential that it actually has and that is meant to be enjoyed by their kids!

And that’s where we come in. Since our Foundation has already collaborated with preschools in Cukarica, to our mutual pleasure, all it took was a couple of phone calls to present this well-thought and noble idea, and there we are! The grass is on its way to Belgrade, we’re on our way to preschool. Already there. Meeting parents, picking chestnuts like little squirrels that we are, chasing rainbow-colored tires around the playground with the little ones. Playing, smiling, and making the rain clouds go away.

The grass is here: Mirjana Cankovic, Radoje Djokovic, Marija i Petar Colic, i Bojana Rangelov – project manager at the Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Mirjana Cankovic, assistant director of Cukarica Preschool is thanking our Foundation for the donation and believes that artificial grass was a great idea in the first place, as it will make children’s stay in the preschool more enjoyable and is quite easy to maintain on top of that:

“This preschool enrols more than 170 children and 250m² is a big patch where every child will be able to play. Every little thing that we add to the preschool is more than meaningful as it enhances the children experience – from receiving a quality education to setting themselves free in a relaxing and welcoming environment.”

The parents also shared their impressions with us. The first one to do it was Marija Colic, a teacher by vocation and a mom of three kids including the golden-haired Petar, one of the youngest “lilies of the valley”:

“As parents, we are grateful for this donation that will allow the youngest children to play safely outside, which up to now has been possible only for the kids above three years of age. Being able to engage in such modes of play where they can to discover uninterruptedly is more than precious. Hence, this entire project of schoolyard’s adaptation will be very beneficial in the long run.”

Guess who will be playing with his friends outside: mom Marija Colic with her son Petar.

Radoje Djokovic agrees with Ms. Colic’s words:

“I have a very strong connection with this preschool and, having recognized their needs after a conversation with fellow parents, we came to a conclusion that the artificial grass setup is the safest choice, especially for the youngest children. We are indebted to the Novak Djokovic Foundation for listening to our needs and helping this project see the light of day.“  

We can’t wait for the grass to be set up so that we could visit the kiddos and play with them in their new schoolyard!

Within the Project of Inclusive Preschool Education where, together with the World Bank and the Ministry of Education, Science and Technological Development of the Republic of Serbia, Novak Djokovic Foundation adapts and equips the premises in public facilities used for providing preschool education, Preschool institution “Cukarica” will have another 13 rooms equipped with furniture and didactic material.

The post We Donated Artificial Grass to a Preschool Where the Little Big Ones will Play appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Our Foundation, led by our founders and National Director Maja Kremic, recognized the importance of investing in preschool yards long ago. This donation, worth 363.000 Serbian dinars (3.000 Euros), is particular in the sense that it is primarily intended for children as young as 12 months old, as they haven’t had the adequate conditions to play outside which is why they’ve had to stay inside all the time. The story you are about to hear is yet another indicator that we“”the grassroots people, the stakeholders“”should be the initiators of change or, in Gandhi’s words, be the change we want to see in the world.

Not that long ago, parents whose kids attend “Djurdjevak” (Lily of the valley in English) gathered to clean up and adjust one part of the schoolyard so as to make it accessible for the youngest ones. What they didn’t expect was a surprisingly massive turnout””more than 30 of them joined! Not before they rolled up their sleeves and arranged the yard did they realize the potential that it actually has and that is meant to be enjoyed by their kids!

And that’s where we come in. Since our Foundation has already collaborated with preschools in Cukarica, to our mutual pleasure, all it took was a couple of phone calls to present this well-thought and noble idea, and there we are! The grass is on its way to Belgrade, we’re on our way to preschool. Already there. Meeting parents, picking chestnuts like little squirrels that we are, chasing rainbow-colored tires around the playground with the little ones. Playing, smiling, and making the rain clouds go away.

The grass is here: Mirjana Cankovic, Radoje Djokovic, Marija i Petar Colic, i Bojana Rangelov – project manager at the Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Mirjana Cankovic, assistant director of Cukarica Preschool is thanking our Foundation for the donation and believes that artificial grass was a great idea in the first place, as it will make children’s stay in the preschool more enjoyable and is quite easy to maintain on top of that:

“This preschool enrols more than 170 children and 250m² is a big patch where every child will be able to play. Every little thing that we add to the preschool is more than meaningful as it enhances the children experience – from receiving a quality education to setting themselves free in a relaxing and welcoming environment.”

The parents also shared their impressions with us. The first one to do it was Marija Colic, a teacher by vocation and a mom of three kids including the golden-haired Petar, one of the youngest “lilies of the valley”:

“As parents, we are grateful for this donation that will allow the youngest children to play safely outside, which up to now has been possible only for the kids above three years of age. Being able to engage in such modes of play where they can to discover uninterruptedly is more than precious. Hence, this entire project of schoolyard’s adaptation will be very beneficial in the long run.”

Guess who will be playing with his friends outside: mom Marija Colic with her son Petar.

Radoje Djokovic agrees with Ms. Colic’s words:

“I have a very strong connection with this preschool and, having recognized their needs after a conversation with fellow parents, we came to a conclusion that the artificial grass setup is the safest choice, especially for the youngest children. We are indebted to the Novak Djokovic Foundation for listening to our needs and helping this project see the light of day.“  

We can’t wait for the grass to be set up so that we could visit the kiddos and play with them in their new schoolyard!

Within the Project of Inclusive Preschool Education where, together with the World Bank and the Ministry of Education, Science and Technological Development of the Republic of Serbia, Novak Djokovic Foundation adapts and equips the premises in public facilities used for providing preschool education, Preschool institution “Cukarica” will have another 13 rooms equipped with furniture and didactic material.

The post We Donated Artificial Grass to a Preschool Where the Little Big Ones will Play appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

When we’re hit by the cruel reality, what every single one of us needs the most is support. Someone who will now and then say   “It’s OK” or “It happened to me too”.   All we need to know is that we’re not alone and there’s no reason for us to feel like an alien. That a single mistake we made unintentionally will not have a crucial impact on the life of our child. We need to realize that there is no perfect parent and that we should not strive towards perfection.

My husband and I found this in the “Support, not Perfection“ program carried out by the Novak Djokovic Foundation.

I am a mother of four beautiful children. As soon as people here that, many tend to think that I am an expert for children. However, I say to them right away that I perhaps have a little bit more experience than most of the people, but that the knowledge of upbringing of children is very relative. For children develop and we, as parents, develop along with them. On that road, we acquire knowledge together – children about the world around them and their position in it, and we about our children, their needs and interests. At the same time, every child is the story for themselves. That’s why I believe that nothing is universal when it comes to parenthood and that the parent needs to adapt everything to suit his children.

Tamara and her husband with their big family.

That’s exactly what the workshops held within the “Support, not Perfection” program have shown us. In ten workshops, we discussed various issues almost every parent comes across while taking care of their children.

And no, there was not a single reply “do this and that and it will be solved” – for there’s no magic wand. And if you think that you will be served a solution, you could not be more wrong. For all the solutions are within us and the workshops only helped us realize that.

My husband and I started attending the workshops together. We simply thought that would be the best way to see the results because we worked together on the relationship with our children.  It is very beneficial when two parents reach a common standpoint as to the manner in which they want to educate their children and what kind of mutual relations they want to build up in the family. Our youngest baby attended every workshop together with us. She was 3-months-old at the beginning of the program. She became a part of our little group in a certain way. Now, she is 6-months-old, she started to eat mash food and is a very communicative baby.

Our older three children, a boy aged 7 year and girls aged 3 and 1,5 years were playing with their teacher while we were at the workshop.

I have to admit that this is the thing that amazed me the most- that the Foundation took time to also think about the children.

Considering that we do not have grandmothers or grandfathers nor anyone else for that matter with whom we could entrust our children, this Foundation’s additional effort actually enabled us to attend the program.

Tamara enjoyed each workshop of the “Support, not Perfection” program with her baby.

The group of parents that attended the program got very close as the time went by. We even started to share among ourselves some of the most difficult and intimate stories and situations when we felt completely helpless and as total failures.  Without any parent judging each other. The group also shared some nice moments, birthdays and festivities. We encouraged every success, as well as every attempt regardless of it not being successful. Sometimes these are just the things that every parent needs the most.

I can clearly remember our first workshop. We were all just sitting in quiet. We felt awkward to present ourselves to each other and a certain dose of skepticism was noticeable among us all. However, as the workshop was passing along, we were becoming closer and I can say on behalf of everybody that we were all eagerly awaiting the following Tuesday when we had our workshops in evening hours.

The wonderful people I have met are for me definitely the strongest impression of this program. Actually, a short time before the beginning of workshops, my family and  I moved to Jagodina and did not know anybody. Now, I can genuinely say that we have gained true friends.

“Each parent needs to know that a perfect parent doesn’t exist and that we do not need to strive to perfection”.

However, somebody will say that “It is all nice and peachy but did it give any concrete results? “. Oh yes, it did!

One of the homework we were given was to set a parenting goal related to each topic of the workshop. This was the way to make us concentrate and organize one per one segment of our parenthood life. My husband and I managed to recognize the moments when a certain child is in need of extra attention and how to help them feel not neglected (and this can prove as a true challenge in a household with four children). We restored the regular evening routine, we learned how to keep calm in crisis situations and ways to resolve the conflict with children in an amicable way. Also, we learned how to find some personal time for ourselves as well as for us as a couple.

We also realized that we are not such bad parents ourselves, but rather that we sometimes miss creative problem-solving tools that can replace disciplinary measures that do not do us nor the children any good.

And what matters the most,  we got the support.  Primarily, through our facilitator Marko, who  was patient and full of  understanding  to  us all and he was always there to encourage us and direct us. Not only at the workshops, but any time of the day or night. His words would appear as a light bulb in our heads when we face a challenging situation. The group calls this “Marko the light bulb” and this is one of the most powerful impressions  we experienced together.

Why did my husband and I get interested in the program anyway? We believe that it is always necessary to improve yourself. Not for the outside factors, but in order to feel better and be happy with yourself. By investing in ourselves, we also invest in our children. And no, our children will not have perfect parents, but parents who are pleased with themselves and who try to be the best version of themselves. And what is more perfect than this?

The post How I realized a perfect parent does not exist appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

In today’s dynamic world, being a parent is a big challenge. You can read thousands of parenting books on how to properly raise your child, but what the child actually needs are “roots to grow and wings to fly.” You should accept that you won’t always be a perfect parent to your child, but that with all the unconditional love you give, you’ll be the right parent. Smiljana Grujic is here to help you on that path of enlightenment!

Smiljana is one of those people who you immediately trust so much you want to tell her all your problems. She is always cheerful and smiling, with a big heart, gentle and empathic. She’s a great storyteller, advisor, and comrade. Smiljana is a psychologist and a psychotherapist and provides advice for our readers in the area of early child development. If you want to re-read Smiljana’s tips, you can do it here.

There isn’t a period during which we grow, learn and change more than in the earliest childhood. The child’s strongest connection in that period is the one they have with their parents. That’s why it’s important to empower parents, so they could provide the best possible support for their children.

“Unfortunately, there’s no parenthood school. Even though parents act toward children with good intentions, their ways of upbringing often don’t align with those intentions. Parents should be aware that their everyday behavior with a child must be guided by their long-term goal – the child’s best development.“

Smiljana Grujic, coordinator of the Support, not Perfection program

As a great expert in her area, Smiljana helps parents overcome the challenges of parenthood. Together with her colleague Nina Sokolovic, she designed a programme called Support, not Perfection. This programme provides parents with additional information, skills, and support for encouraging their children’s development at their most sensitive age.

“Parents can learn more easily by exchanging experiences with people who have similar problems and by interacting with an expert. At workshops, we talk with our participants about the results they have achieved, and together we come to conclusions on how they could further improve their skills of raising a child.”

Parents get advice such as how to respond to a child’s temper outburst or what activities stimulate a child’s development. The Support, not Perfection programme has been organized for two and a half years and it’s completely free of charge. In March we have started our 5^th cycle. So far, 800 parents and guardians of children 6 years old and younger from 12 municipalities across Serbia have completed the programme.

“We want to encourage parents to think about the way they  criticize, teach,  talk and listen to them. They should remember that there are alternatives in the everyday building of a relationship with children.”

If you want to learn how to properly support your child’s development while giving him all your love, Novak Djokovic Foundation and Smiljana invite you to join the Support, Not Perfection programme!

The post Everything in life can be postponed, except for love! appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.