1. “A flower doesn’t think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” -Zen Chen

How often do you hear or say something like this:

“¢ Look at Peter, he can do it better, nicer, faster”¦
“¢ Why can’t you be like Ann? She is so sweet, respectful, brave”¦
“¢ Come on, you can do better than Emma.

Our children are being bombarded by these kinds of messages and what they actually hear is: “I am not enough!” Their response might be to prove themselves and fight harder or conform to the “not enough” statement and sink into the feeling of incompetence. Either way, their response is not an authentic expression, but adaptation to the messages they keep hearing.

Instead, send out messages of human differences, explain how everyone has their life path to follow, praise your children’s strengths and celebrate their successes. Do not give undeserved praise – they will know if you are faking it.

Allow your children’s uniqueness to bloom.

2. “Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.” -C.S. Lewis

Once your children reach puberty, you realize how important integrity is. With all the peer pressure, exposure to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs; with all the big life decisions ahead, you want them to be able to think for themselves, not to compete with others, but to make their own wise choices.

Developing integrity starts early and it includes many other values: fairness, loyalty, honesty and standing up for what you believe in.

Here are a few things you can do:

– Allow your children to develop their own tastes (music, fashion, food, sports, etc.), even if they are not your preference. I remember clearly how my daughter used to test me once I told her that she can like whatever song she wants. For weeks after that, she would randomly announce that she likes or dislikes something and observe my reaction carefully. I had to reassure her that it is fine, and we can all have different preferences.

– Insist on a fair play – in sports competitions, on tests and exams, or when playing with friends. Children have a very strong sense of fairness, some scientists even argue that morality is an innate human trait. When you foster fairness from an early age it becomes an integral part of their value system.

– Be honest with your children and demand honesty in return. We know that everything is not exactly black and white and many times we need to function in grey areas and resort to white lies. However, for many things, there can be a clear line. Draw that line and explain it to your children. Use context to decide in tricky situations. Check the intention behind the questionable action – maybe fairness is hiding behind the little lie presented to you.

– Talk about integrity, fairness, and loyalty with your children. Point it out in movies, in life situations, in other people’s actions. Praise them when they demonstrate these qualities. Always be honest with your praises.

Encourage your children to recognize and develop their own strengths. Copyright: Yuganov Konstantin

3. “Failure is not the opposite of success, it’s part of success.”

You have heard stories about JK Rowling’s “Harry Potter” manuscript being rejected by many publishers before someone decided to give it a try, of Michael Jordan who was cut out of his school basketball team, or Oprah Winfrey who was fired from her first job. All of them persevered on their path and became successful people that we know today.

Failure and success are both relative and impermanent. By redefining the meaning of these two concepts, we are teaching our children to find their own definition and embrace both as they come.

The best piece of advice you could give your children could be: “Never let success get to your head. Never let failure get to your heart.”

Celebrate success, of course, but don’t attach to it. Learn from failure and keep going forward.

4. “I’ll love you forever
I’ll like you for always
As long as I’m living
My baby you’ll be.”
-from “Love you forever” by Robert Munsch

I am a proud aunt of four amazing nephews and nieces. I don’t see them regularly as I have been living abroad for a long time, but whenever we meet they run into my arms, screaming with joy and fighting who will be the first one to hug me, who will sit closest to me, whose birthday party I can attend. Seeing all that competition for love, I decided to have a little chat with them.

Firstly, I announced that love is so mighty and strong and abundant that there is always, always, always enough love for everyone! They calmed down instantly and I could feel their worries and anxiety melting away. Then I asked them if we can love everyone in the same way. I love bringing this kind of big questions for children. Their pure wisdom never ceases to amaze me. After a bit of thinking, they told me: No, we are all different and we love differently. What a great answer from a group of kindergarten age kids!

A lot of worries, fears, and anxiety stem from children’s feeling of not being loved enough. So many fights, misunderstandings, and unhealthy attitudes result from the feeling of inadequacy and not being lovable.

Parental love should be unconditional, it should be expressed daily through words, actions, through listening, understanding, and support we offer our children. They need to feel safe that parents’ love comes with no strings attached, that it is there, always and it will never go away.

5. “I’m in competition with no one. I run my own race. I just aim to improve, to be better than I was before.”

Being competitive has its benefits, as mentioned earlier. We can show our children to direct that inner need to be ‘better’ and ‘more’ toward themselves, instead of competing with others.

• Encourage children to reflect on their own progress (in math, football, or similar). Remind them where they stared and where they are now.
• Check if they are doing their best. Not another person’s best!
• Help them set their goals and action plans to achieve them.
• Help them to accept themselves completely – both good and “bad”.
• Encourage your children to recognize and develop their own strengths.
• Remind them that life is a journey, not a race.

While we may desire a world for our children that is simpler, more accepting of our differences, that unites the opposites in a constructive way, we still need to face the reality and help our children grow and live in the existing conditions. By making the best use of human natural competitive inclinations and developing them in a balanced and positive way, we are giving our children a chance at thriving in this world and changing it for the better.

The post Teach your kid not to compete with others, but to aim to improve himself appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

It is early in the morning and The Imperial Club of Rome Cavalieri – set on the highest hill of the eternal city –  is full of international businessmen, artists and government officials sipping their cappuccinos and casually browsing over the sports pages.

I am overhearing a world known titan of finance telling his party of four that he does not turn to the business pages for success advice, but to the life story of tennis great Novak Djokovic:

Djokovic  has lived it, has done it, has earned it, and who better to learn about success from than the most dominant player in the game today?

Throughout his tennis journey, Novak Djokovic has experienced both victory and defeat.  Yet, after every setback he has always found the way to pick himself up, improve his game and move forward to achieving his goals and dreams. His ability to remain at the top of the extremely competitive world of professional tennis is a testament to his dedication, work ethic and most importantly his focus on life off the court.

Since last time I interviewed Novak Djokovic for the Spectator many things have changed in the life of the greatest sporting export from my homeland, Serbia. He married his longtime girlfriend Jelena Ristic, reclaimed his title of the World No. 1 and he recently became a father to a wonderful, healthy and a lovely boy, Stefan.

In the midst of all the life changes he has experienced over the last few years, I asked him how he has managed to maintain his dominance in one of the most individually demanding and high-pressured sports professions.

While the technical aspects of his game are perfect, it would surprise many to learn that Djokovic attributes much of his success to his efforts off the court.  His top priorities are his family, his personal values, and his physical and spiritual fitness.

While his formula might not work for everyone, here are the 10 insights to success that he endorses:

Insight 1:  How do you share the benefits of your success with those around you?

I try my best to not allow success to change me and take me away from the things in life that matter the most: my family and friends.  My success on court has brought us a great life and we are all very appreciative and glad that we get to enjoy it in health and peace.  I try to share my success with those people around me who were there with me from the beginning.

Insight 2:  What are the 3 major points of advice you would like to pass on to children who dream of becoming top athletes? What would you tell them is the “secret to success”?

While chasing goals on the court, don’t forget to build yourself up as a human being.  Life as an athlete is wonderful and adventurous, but it doesn’t last forever.  In a split second, a simple injury can interrupt or end a career.  That is why it’s important to grow in every aspect of your life and invest in your knowledge and confidence outside the court. Being a champion means mastering both work and private life, and that is not always easy. I am always on the lookout for new knowledge, new inspiration.

Insight 3: In what way has your character been shaped by your life as a professional tennis player and how is it that you continue to succeed and thrive under almost inhuman pressure?

I believe it made me resilient. I never give up and when I promise to do something, I stick to it. I am consistent and persistent.

Insight 4:  What are the two things one can do to minimize stress? What do you do to keep yourself centered?

What I think helped me the most is that I have learned to look at things from the positive side and look for the mistakes within myself, rather than blaming others and looking for excuses. I am in control of myself and my acts, and I focus on being better in every possible aspect. When it is stressful, I remind myself to focus only on the next moment and start with small things to overcome a big problem. I do not look for confidence in victory, but in the strength of my character.

lev radin / Shutterstock.com

Insight 5:  How do you motivate yourself to endure the intensity of training and practice day in and day out?

There are always good and bad days. Sometimes is easier to go through pain, and sometimes it is more difficult. I am lucky to have my family and team to travel with me and support me when things get tough. They are my biggest inspiration and their love for me makes me stronger.

Insight 6:  What is your advice to those who keep failing?

So what if you failed? Nobody succeeded without learning to fall first.  And by that, I don’t mean an easy fall. So go forward no matter what, fall hard on your nose, and then stand up and keep going forward and fall again and then bounce back again. And then, you will win. Keep going and keep standing strong on your feet.

Leonard Zhukovsky / Shutterstock.com

Insight 7: How do you maintain belief in yourself in the most trying and difficult times?

There is no secret formula. Everybody is different. For me it works to think about the road I’ve been on all the years of struggle and how worth it was to go through all the tough times to be where I am now.

Insight 8:  Sustained success requires astounding physical ability, but that is not enough to make you better than all the rest. You often talk about an importance of having an extraordinary mindset too and making it your ally in success. What does that mindset involve and what role do the destructive beliefs have in success journey of an athlete?

Thinking too much does not really help. The best minds are the clear minds.  Finding the formula of success is almost a never-ending maze. It has to be simple. It has to be clear. It has to involve a lot of work. You have to be instinctive. You have to feel it with your body; the mind needs to be almost blank. Or else, the doubts kick in. And the fear. You need to learn to stay centered and to block out the fear and the doubt.

Insight 9: What is the question you ask yourself every day?

It is about being grateful and asking myself this simple question, €œhow lucky am I to be on this journey with my family and loved ones? €

Insight 10:  What is your vision of a successful life?

My vision for a successful life is to be healthy and happy with your family. Then, whatever comes in your professional life is just a bonus and a natural upgrade that follows the happiness and inspiration you find in your home.

The post 10 Tips from Novak Djokovic on How to Achieve Success appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.