The only people from whom I got a lack of understanding have been the adults, never children. Children understand everything when it is communicated with them properly. Children are just small people with big hearts, and with those hearts, they listen to what is being asked from them. If you don’t talk to children with a lot of love, attention, dedication, and patience, it’s pointless to expect from them to respond to your words. The imperative of the whole relationship with children, and communication with them are precisely those four elements, so let’s state them once again – love, attention, dedication, and patience.

Even the 1001^st “why” has to have your 1001^st “because”

I call it the ‘but why’ game and I believe that everyone who spends time with children age 3 to 7 can guess what I’m talking about.

• “What are you doing?”
• “I’m ironing this T-shirt.”
• “But why?”
• “Because it should be ironed and nice.”
• “But why?”
• “Because we’re going for a walk.”
• “But why?”
• “To have fun, throw pebbles, eat ice-cream and buy something nice.”

For a brief moment, it seemed as if it was a checkmate on my part, but not so soon. But why is that T-shirt yellow if your favorite color is blue? tirelessly continued my 6-year old niece Milica, which I believe any other child would do. When you start playing that game, there is no giving up. There is no ‘ask a friend for help’ or switching questions. But what’s most important – there are no wrong answers either. The thing is to have patience and will to actually answer those questions. Perhaps, the question ‘my T-shirt was yellow when I preferred blue’ would lead me to an answer about my personality that I would have never thought of if Milica hadn’t asked me.

Your attitude toward children when they speak to you, even if you find the topic completely trivial, will be the pillar of their attitude toward you when you talk. Without mistake, with children, you always get what you first gave them.

If you want them to listen to you when you talk to them, you should also listen to them when they speak to you, and even more importantly – participate in the conversation. It is understandable if sometimes you are burdened with everyday problems and that you don’t feel like answering “why” questions. In those moments, and regardless of everything that may be troubling you, don’t forget that the child is the most important. You have no excuse not to give them what they want from you, and that’s something completely free – your attention. That’s the foundation of all further communication between you and the child.

If you ask me, the trick to get out of the enchanted game is to respond equally. When you reply to the first child’s basic observation with “but why”, the smile you’ll get in return will be priceless, and if you’re a bit more persistent, they will ask YOU to stop:

• “Are we going?”
• “But why?”
• “To walk,” laughs
• “But why?”
• “Well, you said it,” laughs
• “But why?”
• “Oookaaay, stooop.”

When you talk to children, you should also listen to them, and even more importantly – participate in the conversation. Copyright: Kinga

“Kiss to make the bad go away”

Non-verbal communication is an important segment of talking to children. Children can learn this type of communication only by observing you, in other words, through your behavior toward them. Non-verbal communication is not something you can explain to them – it requires action. There are various examples of how you can develop this:

• “Let me kiss to make it go away” – when a child is in pain, or when they have a cold;
• Fondle and kiss the child – when you want to praise something they did;
• Hold their hand – when they complain about something to you, when they feel insecure;
• A hug – is always good when to communicate, because it shows love, care, and security. If the child hugs you, never be the first to let go.

The most developed level of non-verbal communication is making eye contact with the child, and it can be simply accomplished. Sit down on the floor with the child, call them by their full name until they look at you, and talk to them about the topics it started.

It’s very serious if the child says it’s serious!

Never, never and again, never underestimate something the child presents as a problem to you. Children are sensitive creatures who are discovering the world, and what you may find irrelevant may a big and a serious problem for them, and it is your job to help them resolve it. Child’s serious problems can cause fear, which later may evolve into traumas. A child may be afraid of the dark, frogs, spiders, mice, hot sand, the fact it was the only night you didn’t give them a goodnight kiss. When the child trusts you with a problem, be happy, because they trust you and see you as support – don’t fail them. Give your best to overcome that obstacle together, first with a conversation, and then in various different ways – think of stories or games.

“Thank you, please, I’m sorry, here you go” are magic words and a way of life

A child with good manners is, by rule, a mirror of their family. Children should learn to be polite and use these magic words in all appropriate situations. Their role model for such behavior is you and only you.

There is a saying, that left a strong impression on me. I’ll rephrase it – educate yourself because the children will certainly resemble you.

An illustrative example would be crossing the street during a red light. It might happen to you to cross the street with the “red stick figure” when you are in a hurry, but when you are with your child, that mustn’t happen even on accident. The same goes for using magic word – if you don’t say thank you to the local baker, rest assured that your child won’t either.

The child should understand that four magic words should be a way of their life. When you or someone else communicate some of those, they should understand it as reward and encouragement to continue to behave like that.

This topic always reminds me of an anecdote. When my niece was 4, I tried to teach her the magic words and we repeated together:

• Thank you, you’re welcome…
• Thank you, you’re welcome…
• I’m sorry, please.
• I’m sorry, please.
• Bravo!!!
• You forgot one, Tina.
• What do you mean, which one?
• Abracadabra!

The post The secret to how to talk to children, so they would actually listen to you appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

It’s strange to think that one tiny change in the way you address your children could entirely change their outlook and behavior towards life and education. Unfortunately, many of us have fallen prone to congratulating our children and appraising even their smallest of accomplishments, all in an attempt to boost their confidence. We often fail to realize that by praising them constantly, we’re teaching them that they’ve done all they can do, and in essence, are unknowingly teaching them that all they need to is succeed, rather than encouraging a sense of appreciation for education and success.

What if, instead of only congratulating children on their success, we taught them that even though success is important, improvement and constant pursuit of goals is even more important? Many notable figures in the realm of childhood education, including Sal Khan from Khan Academy and Dr. Carol Dweck, have brought to attention the importance of instilling a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset in children. Essentially teaching them that although success is very important, growth and improvement are even more important aspects of development.

What is the difference between a ‘fixed mindset’ vs. a ‘growth mindset’?

http://cdn.patch.com/users/22835664/2015/08/T800x600/20150855d73133db435.jpg

Here are some examples of parents addressing their children using a fixed mindset versus a growth mindset:

• Fixed Mindset: “You got an A on your test, you’re such a smart kid!”
• Growth Mindset: “You worked hard and studied to get that A on your test, if you keep studying and working even harder, you’ll improve even more!”
• Fixed Mindset: “You got every single question right on the test – you’re the perfect student!”
• Growth Mindset: “You nailed that test! You couldn’t have done that without studying and working hard,

The growth mindset encourages children to continue working towards a goal, whether it be achieving a better grade or improving in a sport, rather than teaching them that what they’re doing is good enough and they should stop trying.

Copyright: Ingrid Balabanova

But remember, there’s a strong difference between ignoring your child’s accomplishments and helping them develop a growth mindset. Don’t teach the mentality that ‘nothing is ever good enough‘, rather teach them the mentality that ‘there’s always room for improvement‘.

The difference between these two methods of approach is that one focuses on the superficial aspect of accomplishment, whereas the other encourages a more in-depth view of education and learning, hoping to instill a sense of encouragement as well as a meaningful appreciation for learning.

Does this method really work?

Based on research done by Dr. Dweck, who conducted an experiment with a group of students with different mindsets and observed their success in academics, the growth mindset really does help improve children’s success in school. The group with the fixed mindset only worked to “look smart” and succeed on a superficial level, whereas the other group valued learning above all else, and that proved to be successful. The group with the growth mindset showed significantly higher grades by the end of the school year.

Why is this an effective method of childhood development?

Addressing children with a growth mindset helps them to learn to overcome the superficial aspect of success, and to yearn for growth and development rather than solely success. Especially in today’s world, it is difficult, if not impossible, for children to not hear that they have to pursue careers in specific fields if they want to succeed.

Especially for students who struggle in school, they can often be turned off completely by the idea of pursuing an education because they are afraid of failure. With a fixed mindset, they would believe that success is the only possible path, and if they don’t succeed in something, they would quite probably abandon it. However, if they had a growth mindset, they’d realize that continuing to try hard and practice would help them improve and eventually succeed in their pursuits.

Copyright: Oksana Kuzmina

Children learn the value of learning, and learn to appreciate education as a whole, rather than simply viewing it as something they need to succeed in then forget about. This also helps children themselves become more open-minded, as they learn that success does not define them, or anyone else.

At what age is this method most effective?

As with most teaching methods, this is most effective when enforced during a child’s early development years, the years in which they are learning and developing most.  According to Sal Khan, although this mindset is most beneficial in early years, it’s never too late to learn how to have a growth mindset.

Next time your child gets a particularly good grade or succeeds in something, instead of simply congratulating them, congratulate them AND encourage them to continue working hard and improving! You may be surprised by the results.

The post How to Talk to Your Kids to Instill a Growth Mindset appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Parenting is all about communicating with your child in the right way. We, parents, are grown-ups, with a lot of life experience, whilst the kids are still young and often misunderstood by us. My children, for instance, often tell me “But, mom, you just don’t understand me”. I admit I sometimes have problems in communication with them. However, I’m doing my best to comprehend what they’re trying to say or do. On the other hand, there are those opposite situations when my children cannot understand me. Moreover, they can respond to my words with plenty of eye-rolling, sighing, head-shaking, and showing that they don’t care without any regret.

In order to get full attention of your child, next time when you talk about something important, be aware of the following:

• Find the right time to talk about important issues. You can talk to your child before bedtime, when he or she is in bed, not sleeping, but playing with a toy or reading a book. Sit next to him or tuck yourself beside him in bed. Then take some time to gain his full attention until you start talking about those important issues. Or, you can choose to talk to your child when you’re outside, walking in the park. Remember, the best way to communicate with your children is when they feel relaxed.
• If they do the eye-roll every time you give them some advice, explain them it’s not the right attitude, and ask them if they disagree with what you are saying.
• If you child looks away, ask him to pay attention and make sure your talking won’t take too long.
• Turn off the TV while talking about something important, since TV draws attention away. You’ve probably noticed that they just don’t listen to you when the TV is on (some interesting content for kids, such as cartoons).

Photo credit: amslerPIX / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

You should also be prepared for a conversation. Here are some tips to do so:

• If you want your child to be a good listener, make sure you’re a good role model. Take some time to listen to them and show them you pay attention to what they are saying. Thus, when they are talking about their problems or answer your questions, use phrases such as “I agree”, “Really?”, “Yes, it must be so.”…You can also nod or shake your head.
• Don’t let anything disturb conversation with your child, like a phone call or SMS. A rude thing to do is to interrupt a conversation by saying “Wait a minute, I have to take this call and then we continue!”. This will only show the child that your phone call is more important than the things you wanted to talk about. Therefore, choose the right time for conversation.
• Don’t give endless lectures. A conversation that seems never to end, in which you do all the talking, can be exhausting for a child. In addition, if he knows that you are prone to it, he will probably withdraw from the conversation, not willing to participate. You won’t even reach the point “go in one ear and out the other”.
• Avoid criticism. This is probably the most difficult task for you, especially if the conversation is about something your child has done wrong. Try to put yourself in his place and reduce your criticism in the best possible way, so he might not be aware of it.

Photo credit: shonna1968 / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)

Use some of these methods and tips, and you and your child will learn how to listen to each other. This will help you develop good communication with them, which is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship.

The post How to Develop Good Communication appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.