Picture a Venn diagram. Three circles. You, your child, and the internet. Each circle is its own entity, but as all three are intertwined, there are differences in the dynamics shared between the three. Learning how to create a safe environment within this Venn diagram will help you protect your child from cyberbullying and ultimately teach them to become responsible digital citizens.

Let’s clarify: Circle A represents you. Circle B represents your child. And, circle C represents that thing we call the internet. Sometimes in life, it’s necessary to focus in real close, to the details … other times, it’s more important to zoom out and take a look at how everything is connected in the big picture.

This Venn diagram shows four spaces between our three circles. Each space signifies a special relationship that every person, parent or child, has to learn how to navigate through.

Let’s begin with space 1: Your own relationship with technology.

 This is a self-evaluation stage, between circle “a” and circle “c”. Overlooked a lot of the time, but the way you act as a parent, regardless of what you preach, indirectly affects how your child behaves. Think about your own relationship with technology. Are you pleased with how much time you’re spending online? Do you spend time scrolling through social media mindlessly?

Would you be okay with your child adopting your online habits?

Setting boundaries for yourself is equally as important as telling your child to turn off the computer or to put down the phone. Recalibrate your own online habits and you’ll create a guideline for your child to follow. Children often mimic the actions they see their parents take, or don’t take. Don’t underestimate the power these small – yet pivotal – reflections can have.

Space 2: The parent-child relationship, itself.

Every relationship is unique, especially parent-child relationships (circle “a” and circle “b”). While this is a subject matter entirely on its own, the space we are concerned with in our trusty Venn diagram is that of communication. Building trust for open dialogue between you and your child is a crucial link to preventing cyberbullying. Knowing that they have a space to speak freely to you, children can feel comfortable coming to you to talk about what they do or do not know about, what I believe is still the greatest mystery of our time, the internet! It’s essential that your child knows they can trust you with what happens online: the good and the bad. When confronted in this space:

• listen to their concerns or troubles
• respond calmly with compassion
• be prepared to learn yourself

While this is a space to nurture your parent-child bond as a preventative measure against the isolation, secrecy, and mental illness associated with cyber-bullying, should your child find himself or herself in such a circumstance the key is to hold this space safe for them to ask for your help.

Setting guidelines for a responsible digital presence and protection from cyberbullying is what a child of the 21st century needs. Copyright: Syda Productions

Space 3: Your child’s personal experience with the online world.

As time goes on and technology advances, the interactions we have with it become more intimate. Parents must accept that these moments won’t always happen in your presence. It is up to you, in other spaces, to instill the right foundation of awareness and confidence so that when your child does interact with the online world, between circle “b” and circle “c,” he or she will act responsibly as a digital citizen. There is the option of totally cutting kids off from social media, for instance, but it is unlikely he or she won’t ever interact with the online world at some point.

Learning how to be mindful of the digital footprint you leave behind is a skill we all must learn and prepare our children for.

Ultimately, allowing children a sense of freedom of choice, after adequately preparing them, leads to stronger confidence and trust in your parent-child relationship.

Space 4: The sweet spot.

This is where you, your child, and the internet are all in one space. This is where you have the authority to enforce rules and restrictions that you deem necessary. Building a healthy relationship with technology usage may mean:

• keeping the computer in a common area of the home
• asking your child to show you his or her social media profiles
• setting time limits
• monitoring their behavior during and after online interactions
• asking for help if you need it

Make sure to keep any limitations reasonable. Going back to space 2, in keeping the dialogue open, maybe explain to your child why you are taking these preventative measures. Be transparent. If they understand that you are not trying to take something away from him or her but instead protecting them from the dangers of online behaviors, they may be more acclimated to abide by your rules and not retreat to unhealthy online habits. Kids are more receptive when they know they are being treated with respect.

It comes down to communication.

Above all, perhaps it’s more important, now more than ever, to learn to communicate with your child. Children are always learning and absorbing information; all the science in the world can tell you that. Talk to them about creating a responsible digital presence.

Just as technology keeps advancing, so should you as a parent. Don’t let this trouble you. Instead, take delight in the challenge of adapting to your child’s growing mind and developing character! Learn to create a system that works for you and your child with simple boundaries that will lead you to a healthier relationship with technology itself. Let’s put an end to cyberbullying.

The post How to Protect your Child from Cyberbullying? appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Maya Angelou once said:

 “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

When somebody says a teenager has been posting comments on the internet regarding his classmates, the first thing that comes  to our mind is  cyberbullying and all the serious and negative consequences it can cause. However, even in this digital world, there are stories that epitomize how people can still be “cool” on social media.

One of these stories is about Konner Suave, a student from East Valley High School (Washington), who created an anonymous Instagram account @TheBenevolentOne3 and started sharing kind thoughts about his fellow students.

The account, which has been active for 43 weeks, has over 650 posts. Each is about a different student from the high school’s different class levels, and every one features the student’s name, photo and a brief description recognizing what makes that person special.  At the end of his graduation speech Konner finally revealed that he was the identity behind the famous Instagram account, and received a standing ovation, bringing  everyone close to tears. This  was his way to combat bullying and make each and every one of his classmates to feel good about themselves.

Copyright: wavebreakmedia

Immediately after one of the girls he wrote about,  read the post about her, she left the following comment:

It’s amazing, you have just brightened my day. You did something so great for all of us. Love you,

mysterious person!

Others featured in Suave’s posts surely felt pretty much the same.

Here are some examples of his posts, where he described other students:

Cody Walker

You’ve always been one of the most intelligent underclassmen I have come to be around and meet! Your brain works miraculously in strange, yet amazing ways as you solve problems and figure out how to get through situations. You’re such an inspirational young man with many aspirations and goals, don’t let them fade away. PURSUE THEM. Not only for yourself but because your dreams will inspire other dreams and they will teach others to do the same!

Shadow Warrior

Okay, hands down. You have the COOLEST name out our school. It is very powerful and courageous, you hold such a high authority it seems with such a name as Shadow Warrior! I would like to acknowledge your consistency in remaining the young man you are and are becoming. As times change it is hard not to totally switch what we believe in and turn into someone we don’t recognize, but you have remained perfectly balanced in this change throughout high school. It is a blessing you have been a part of our school these years, good luck and the BEST of wishes to you in your future

Copyright: Pressmaster

Konner explained his actions in one of the posts. It’s quite interesting to read:

There is one quote in particular from Maya Angelou that reads: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I find this quote so inspiring because over the past year I saw a change occur in our high school – a positive one. It seemed as though we were more united than we had ever been in the past.

During the summer, I made the decision to go in and try to make everyone here feel appreciated and recognized for simply being the amazing people they are. It is easy for people to be cruel over social media, so I decided to make an anonymous account on Instagram that would counteract the negativity seen today by posting a picture of each student and a paragraph of what makes them GREAT and how other people should see that too.

What this young man did was truly amazing, inspiring and yet very unusual. In the fast-paced world we live in today, we are seldom interested in doing something good for others. I hope that Suave’s story will be just the beginning of sharing kind words and positive thoughts rather than insulting messages and gossips on the internet.

Cyberbullying is being cruel to others by sending or posting harmful material using a cell phone or the internet. In many countries worldwide it is a crime punishable by law. Therefore, instead of wasting  our time on negative comments, gossips and rude remarks, let us help and inspire people to be the best possible versions of themselves.

Start from yourself and be the change you want to see in others!

[divider]

18 year old Konner Suave, has anonymously been updating @TheBenevolentOne3 for 43 weeks,with  photos of students in the classes of 2014-2017 at East Valley High School in Washington with a caption about their good qualities.

The post Don’t Shy away from Pointing out Good Qualities of your Friends appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Sometimes schools have to go through certain unpleasant situations, which are generally associated with violence among school children. As family members, friends or teachers, it’s important for us to recognize such violence and to work together to make school a safe and enabling environment for children where differences among pupils are respected and appreciated.

School violence has become a serious problem in many countries in recent decades. This problem is more or less present in every society. When talking about school violence, the first thing to mention is verbal bullying, which is so common among school children. Intimidation, humiliation, mocking, name calling and making treats are just some forms of verbal bullying. A child who is an introvert, and feels insecure due to mean and rude things peers are saying about him, may become even more shy and reserved, lose faith in its capabilities, and grow into a person fighting against insecurity. Such a child may refuse to accept new challenges, fearing that it will not be able to fulfill expectations and be successful. Fear of failure limits these children to achieve their full potential, not only in further education, but also in everyday situations. Mockery, for instance, is one of the problems for kids. It often occurs that children who are excellent pupils and who are very dedicated to school are exposed to mockery and rejection by their peers. Sometimes it happens that children intentionally start to get bad marks just to be accepted and popular among their classmates. Different interest, habits, dress style, way of talking, skin colour are some of the reasons why kids may become victims of verbal bullying.

When it comes to physical violence, typical examples include hitting, pushing, pinching, kicking, spitting. Physical violence also involves grabbing and destroying things, gestures and contacts that are not physically painful for the abused kid (like grimace, contemptuous gaze, preventing a child to pass, body attitudes). However, these aggressive actions humiliate or hurt feelings of such kid. Unfortunately, there is more and more physical violence among school children lately, even among the pupils from the first few grades. Children who are socially withdrawn, insecure, less popular, depressed, anxious, kids who have only a few friends and do not fit in, children who are thought to be weak and incapable of selfdefence – are more exposed to violent behaviour at school.

Gossiping, spreading lies, ignoring, avoiding and isolation from the group of peers are typical examples of social violence in school. As a result, children can grow into insecure adults with lack of self-esteem, those who prefer to withdraw and spend time alone rather than with friends. Such people do not trust others and their trust is very hard to gain. They have problems to control their feelings…

The development of technology has brought another form of violence, or rather it has created an environment where such behaviour can occur. Cyberbullying among peers is more prevalent and is manifested by sending photos, text or video messages in order to harm and harass a child. Nowadays children have access to extremely popular social networks which are frequently used as a tool for spreading violence. In a very short time they allow many people to see a photo or offensive comment. With just a click on the “Like” button children are able to express their opinion about the photos, announcements, other people thoughts… But, a child may feel discomfort because of various types of interaction on the Internet, which can be aggressive, intimidating and unpleasant. Furthermore, in the virtual environment it’s often difficult to discover the identity of the bully. There are many examples of such cyberbullying. This kind of violence can lead to more serious consequences for children.

For all the above mentioned, it’s extremely important to find out if your child, family member, friend or pupil is exposed to violence, and prevent it, if possible. Children are often afraid to report violence, whether they witness or experience violence. In most cases the problem is fear that by reporting violence they will be seen as “snitchers”. It leads to even greater abuse. Moreover, kids are not convinced that adults will be able to protect them, especially as violence takes place when children are not supervised. Therefore, joint action and support from peers and adults are equally important. However, permanent protection from violence can provide only an organized and systematic action at the community level (support for the victims, establishing clear rules, implementation of appropriate measures against bullying,…).

What can WE DO TO prevent school violence?

• Help children develop an awareness of the problem of violence as early as possible. Show them what are the consequences of being exposed to violent behaviour.
• Encourage children to report violence to their teachers, whether they are victims or they witnessed violent behaviour.
• Teach them not to respond to such behaviour by acting in the same way.
• Encourage them to support each other and together confront the problems they face with.
• If your child is shy, insecure, and doesn’t have many friends, involve him/her in some extracurricular activities that could interest him/her. This may enable them to develop their talents, meet new friends and gain confidence.
• The most important role of adults in reducing violence is prevention. Help your child learn how to express his/her emotions and respect emotions of other people.

Remember that you and other family members are role models to your children. They learn from the way you react to different situations and how you resolve misunderstandings. Later on, they use that knowledge in conflicts with their peers. If you treat your friends, neighbours and colleagues with respect, and if you are kind and polite, it’s more likely that your children will treat their friends in the same way.

An increasing number of schools participate in various programmes. The goal of these programmes is not only to reduce the current level of violence in schools, but also to prevent the occurrence of violent behaviour among new generations. Achieving this goal requires commitment of teachers, school staff, parents and the whole community. It is very important that we take this problem seriously and that every child and teacher can feel safe while being at school, so that fear from physical and emotional violence is eradicated. One of the steps is implementation and compliance with clear rules and measures against bullying. A growing number of schools in Serbia have begun implementation of the programme “School without Violence” in collaboration with UNICEF. For further information about this programme visit: http://www.unicef.rs/skola-bez-nasilja.html.

What do you think about school violence? How can we prevent it and how can we help children who feel rejected, lonely, insecure, scared and weak for being exposed to violent behaviour from their peers? How can we help them to regain courage, be proud of themselves and feel safe, motivated and happy?

The post Can We Prevent School Violence? appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Your mouth is a revolver firing bullets in the sky
“¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
This world is getting colder. Strangers passing by
No one offers you a shoulder. No one looks you in the eye

James Blunt, Bonfire Heart

The power of words

The purpose of words as bullets is to:
“¦.. hurt and cause pain
“¦.. control and gain power

But words can also be used to:
“¦.. help and support
“¦.. nurture and protect

As with many things in life, it depends how you use them.

When someone is the subject of bullying with words it is rarely something they talk about to anyone. It often results in withdrawal and isolation which compounds the problem as the bully will take advantage of the silence.

When and where does bullying occur?

Bullying can happen to anyone, at any age and in many circumstances, such as:

• at home
• at school
• in relationships
• at work
• in caring for the elderly
• in looking after those with disabilities

Types of bulling

Verbal bullying

When many people think of bullying they think of physical bullying – that is sometimes easier to detect than verbal bullying which is often hidden.

It can happen in school, clubs, the school bus – anywhere that children are together.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbulling is bullying using any digital media – predominantly mobile phones, social media and emails.

Serbian Ministry of Education, Science and Technological Development and UNICEF, with the support of Telenor, conducted a survey on digital bullying among primary and secondary schools pupils in December 2012.¹
The results are similar to surveys conducted around the world – cyberbullying is on the increase and children need protection.

The results included:

• 36% of pupils responded to messages from people they did not know
• 58% of them accepted “friend” requests from strangers on social networks
• 11% of children accepted meetings with people they met online but did not know
• 12% were the subject of bullying on the Internet, 8% were victims of photographing by mobile telephones or cameras, 7% received violent SMS messages, 12% received abusive phone calls
• 5% of primary school pupils admitted that they harassed others on the Internet, 4% made pictures of someone who didn’t want to be photographed by mobile phone or camera, 2% sent unpleasant SMS messages and 4% made abusive phone calls
• 84% of pupils were passive observers of digital bullying at least once
• 52% of secondary school pupils and. 48 % of primary school students visit web sites they believe their parents would not allow.

Sibling Bullying

When does fighting between siblings become bullying? This was a question the BBC Mews Magazine posed recently.

• Almost a third of children in a recent survey said they had been the victim of sibling aggression in the past year
• They reported a range of acts from theft and psychological abuse to physical assault
• Some parents believe conflict between siblings toughens them up
• Research says sibling aggression affects a child’s mental health

Comments were invited from individuals who had been bulled by siblings, and they included²:

“I was bullied by my older brother throughout my childhood. He was eight years older and put a lot of energy into bullying. He drew scary pictures on the wall near my bed when I was three years old. He used a soldering iron to write a horrible message – “you are a fat pig” – on a school pencil case my Mum made for me. At age 11 I remember wishing that I hadn’t been born.

I stopped speaking to him at home for two years. My parents did very little to stop it. Christmas was always ruined by it. I was also bullied at school but it wasn’t as bad as the bullying at home. I suffered from depression for many years and have experienced workplace bullying and domestic violence. I know it is all connected to my childhood.”

How we can help children handle bullying

Give children behaviour tips to stop them being bullied

Bullies will often ‘pick’ on someone they think is weaker than they are, so teach your child to:

• Project a positive attitude and walk, sit and move with confidence
• Understand the difference between assertive and aggressive behaviour
• Avoid potential bullying situations by moving calmly out of the way
• Understand and set boundaries with others, telling them to ‘stop’ in a calm and firm manner
• Be able to ‘throw away’ hurtful words by saying them out loud and then dismissing them by throwing them away
• Get help when they need it by talking to teachers, parents and other adults
• Use social media, the internet and mobile phones safely

Teach children the long term effects of bullying

Children do not always realise the potentially long term effects of bullying others. They may only see the short term effect – what happens in the moment. One of the best exercises I have found is shown here – it speaks for itself.

Write music to promote anti-bullying

So, I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
“¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own saviour
Standing on my own two feet

Adele, Turning Tables

Adele is a talented, award-winning singer songwriter – perhaps something your child would like to be. The Songwriting Charity in the UK empowers children through the art of songwriting. They run a series of Bullybeat anti-bullying songwriting workshops. Children learn about writing lyrics, arranging music, singing and producing songs which promote an antibullying message. Expressing their thoughts in music helps them to understand the effects of bullying, learn new skills and make friends. You can hear some of the songs on their website.

Even if you do not have the resources of The Songwriting Charity, teaching groups of children to write and sing about bullying is a powerful way of learning about its effects.

Perform or watch plays about bullying

If you are performing a school play, why not make bullying the theme of the play? The children can be involved in its creation and production.

In Serbia the Telenor Serbia Foundation and the Ministry of Foreign and Internal Trade and Telecommunications supported the production of Studio Center’s play “Children on the Internet”. It highlights the potential risks that children are exposed to on the internet such as paedophilia and fake profiles, internet addiction, frauds for financial gain and trafficking.

“Children on the Internet” was premiered on November 9th 2012 in the Children’s Cultural Centre in Belgrade and performances continued until September 2013.

Use resources such as posters or school packs

There are a lot of resources available to help children, teachers and parents with bullying. As well as many books here are a few more that can help:

• - Schools Packs from the UK Safer Internet Centre
• - Rulers, pencils, pin-badges, posters and more from the Anti-bullying Alliance
• - Posters on bullying to display around schools and youth centres – some of them are shown above under ‘Verbal bullying and Cyberbullying’

Take part in Anti-Bullying week 18-22 November 2013

In the UK the Anti-Bullying Alliance established an Anti-Bullying Week in 2006, and this year it is running from 18 to 22 November. You can link to it on Twitter at #ABW2013.

The Alliance produces a range of resources for children, teachers and parents of all ages, from videos to lesson plans and information packs.

Plan something for Safe Internet Day

Safe Internet Day is an annual day – the next one will be on 11 February 2014 with the theme ‘Let’s create a better internet together’. Schools and groups create events to mark the day – what could your school or group do?

Every year they create a video; here is the one from 2013, which had a theme of ‘Connect with Respect’.

Show children that it is OK to speak up about bullying

Adults are victims of bullying too. Showing children that everyone can speak up about bullying can help them to talk about it and seek help whether they are the victim or are witnessing someone else being bullied.

A recent case in the US was the woman who became the face of the controversial Affordable Healthcare program and its failed website. Her photo was used on their website and her face was soon mocked, Photoshoped and altered. She became the subject of late-night jokes, partisan hatred and intense speculation.

She did nothing but allow her photo to be used and has now spoken up about it.³

Spare a thought for bullies too

Happy, contented people are rarely bullies – they are a type of victim too. They are often people who have been bullied or abused themselves. Bullies often feel that they don’t ‘fit in’ and use bullying to gain respect and have people look up to them – before they realise these are not real friends.

Bullying is a form of control, and so bullies sometimes bully because they feel they have no control elsewhere in their lives.

Compelling research confirms that bullies are twice as likely as their peers to have criminal convictions and four times more likely to be multiple offenders.⁴

They need help with their behaviour too.

“Forgetting people who hurt you is your gift to them; forgiving people who hurt you is your gift to yourself.”

References

• 1 Stop Digital Bullying Serbia
• 2 Sibling bullying
• 3 Mystery face of Obama healthcare on cyberbullying
• 4 Effects of bullying on the bully

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