Throughout our lives, we are surrounded by people who tell us that we are not good enough, that we can’t do it, that we’re not talented enough. And somewhere, along the line, we start to believe them, and begin to embrace being average. We forget our childhood dreams. We forget all about astronauts, unknown lands, miraculous discoveries, impossible accomplishments. We forget that boys and girls can dream the same dreams and have the same goals. It’s so much easier, isn’t? To play the standard role. But, from time to time, there is someone who reminds us that we all should strive for greatness. One of those people is 9-year old Milla Bizzotto.

Hey guys! I am so honored to be featured as one of the "Extreme Kids" on NBC's Sunday TODAY with Willie Geist this Sunday, Aug 7th, 8am EST! Hope you guys can tune in! #ocrtraining #iamtheantibully #fma #extremekids #kidswithamessage #kidswithdetermination #kidswhoinspire #inspirationfortheipadgeneration #keepinspiring

A post shared by Milla Star (@millastarfma) on Aug 4, 2016 at 10:53am PDT

Little Milla, who weighs 24 kilograms, has finished the 24-hour Battlefrog challenge – a U.S Navy-designed obstacle course. She became the youngest competitor in the Battlefrog race and to prepare, she had to train for 9 months, 5 days a week for 3 hours a day. She decided the only hero she needed was herself. . Like every strong protagonist, she has had to deal with adversity which has motivated her to rise to greatness. Milla was a victim of bullying in school and decided to become empowered through physical fitness.

Stretching anywhere!!! #InspirationForTheIpadGeneration #Spartan #race #run #running #ocr #workout #training #spartanrace #abs #fit #fitgirls #kids #fitkids #beast #beastmode #gym #gymlife #gymrat #gymmotivation #dedication #headstand #workhard #fitFAM #FMA #igfitness #igmiami #fitlife #lifestyle #love #workhard

A photo posted by Milla Star (@millastarfma) on Jan 12, 2016 at 3:32pm PST

Coach Christian Bizotto, from South Florida,who runs a gym, began training with Milla and her father,  and says she wishes to lead a positive movement that will inspire the ‘ipad generation.’

I think the bullying thing has died down without her having to take physical action just because her outlook is so much different now that she knows how to defend herself, her father said.

Working on our handstand push-ups ??? #ifatfirstyoudontsucceed #dontgiveup #inspirationfortheipadgeneration #teamantibully #iamtheantibully

A photo posted by Milla Star (@millastarfma) on Jun 3, 2016 at 2:10pm PDT

I don’t want to play video games. I don’t want to Hoverboard. I don’t want to do things to make life easier. I want to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I have one body and it’s all I want and all I love, she recently told the Miami Herald

This little girl also finished the Spartan race last year with her grandma and her father crossing the finishing line together holding hands. Milla told CBS Miami Local:

I don’t want people to quit because they don’t believe in themselves because someone else says that they can believe in themselves.

Once I heard someone say how adversity causes some to break, others to break records. Learning to deal with and overcome adversity is what builds character and resilience. Bad things will happen, it’s inevitable. And when they do happen we are presented with a choice – to crumble down or rise above and become a stronger and wiser.

Are you going to be the hero of your story or are you just waiting to be saved?

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Verbal bullying is the most common type of violence in schools. It is equally present among boys and girls. Still, in many cases, verbal bullying is the province of girls. Girls are more subtle than boys and use verbal bullying, instead of physical one, to dominate others and show their superiority and power. By definition, verbal bullying refers to when an individual uses verbal language to embarrass, mock or insult another person. Unlike physical bullying, where the effects are obvious (bruises, scratches…), verbal bullying is harder to see and stop. However, one should have in mind that words alone do have power and can harm more than punches. Furthermore, we should recognize if our child, friend or pupil is exposed to this type of violence in school and react in time.

How insulting and mocking can affect children, and what can we do to solve the problem of verbal bullying in schools?

Different interest, habits, dress style, way of talking, skin color are some of the reasons why kids may become victims of verbal bullying. It often happens that children who are excellent pupils, and who are very dedicated to school, are exposed to mockery and rejection by their peers. Sometimes children intentionally drop in school performance and start to get bad marks just to be accepted and become popular among their classmates. However, we should be aware that not all the children react in the same way when they are exposed to mocking and name-calling. Here’s the example: Two girls, both excellent students, have always been active in class and very dedicated to learning. Their classmates started to call them nerds and rolled their eyes whenever one of them wanted to answer the teacher’s question. But, one of them did not let all this destroy her self-esteem, nor did she pay any attention to what they were doing. After a while, due to the fact that she ignored everything they were saying about her, she was no longer an easy target, so they stopped mocking her. The other girl, however, reacted quite the opposite. She wanted to be accepted and appreciated by her classmates. She suffered for their mockery, so she started to leave her homework at home on purpose, and played truant in order to stop verbal bullying by her peers.

Conclusion: It would be best to stay indifferent, although sometimes it is hard to do so. Children who are insecure and who have low self-esteem due to verbal bullying may withdraw and become suspicious. It is very hard for them to let others enter their world deprived of mean things and mockery. Such children may show aversion to school and refuse to participate in activities with their peers. Words can have tremendous power, greater than we could ever imagine. Mocking or taunting can instantly crash all the ideas, wishes and aspirations of the child who has no self-confidence. Victims of verbal bullying lose faith in their capabilities. They get discouraged and may refuse to accept new challenges, fearing that they will not be able to fulfill expectations and be successful. Apart from classmates, teachers may be verbally abusive, too. In most cases the problem is caused by their statements that humiliate or discourage children.

I remember a teacher who constantly made fun of the chubby boy. The boy felt uncomfortable. However, inappropriate jokes of his teacher encouraged him to start exercising and to be physically active during summer. When the school started in September he appeared much thinner, nothing like that boy from the beginning of the previous school year. He did all that just to stop the teacher’s mockery. On the other hand, there are teachers who say some pupils have gaps in knowledge or can’t understand anything. They treat such children as not too intelligent or smart enough, seeing no point of helping them enroll a particular school. Verbally abusive teachers can destroy already shattered confidence of these pupils and make them become even more insecure. They must be aware their remarks can ruin all that a child has ever dreamed of.

Kids who are different in some way, i.e. suffer from overweight or wear glasses, are often exposed to taunting, which causes them to feel uncomfortable in their own skin. Moreover, children with special needs frequently experience rejection and mean things by their peers. My brother attended a special group within regular kindergarten where other children accepted him and his friends well. They even took them outside and played with them. However, during one visit to a kindergarten, in which there was no group for children with special needs, the kids immediately started to point a finger at him and made inappropriate jokes. Luka was very young then, so he could not understand what was happening.

I wonder how children with developmental disorders or some other form of disability might feel, especially when they are older and aware of the situation?

From my point of view, it is very important to teach children to accept differences and demonstrate empathy toward their peers who can’t hear, see or walk. All they need is someone to understand and accept them, and be a friend they can play with. It takes just a little patience from our side. I also believe that each of us should strive to encourage children to understand others and be compassionate. Let them put themselves in somebody else’s shoes, step into the world of boys or girls being mocked or taunted by their peers, use their perspective of seeing things, and try to understand their feelings. If children are taught empathy, I’m sure verbal bullying will be much less common.

Children respond  differently  to verbal bullying – some of the victims who have low self-esteem tend to withdraw and become depressed. Unfortunately, sometimes the effects of this type of violence are very serious, such as self-injury or even in some cases, suicide. Parents and teachers are often not aware of the power of words and react only when physical violence takes place. Given the effects humiliating, mocking, insulting and taunting may cause, it is important to be aware of what’s going on in your child’s life, to understand their feelings and needs and recognize a problem in time. What’s more important, parents, teachers and the whole community should work together and try to prevent new cases of verbal bullying in schools.

What would you do in order to prevent and stop verbal bullying? We would like to hear your opinion regarding this issue. Share with us your experiences about this type of violence.

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Your mouth is a revolver firing bullets in the sky
“¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
This world is getting colder. Strangers passing by
No one offers you a shoulder. No one looks you in the eye

James Blunt, Bonfire Heart

The power of words

The purpose of words as bullets is to:
“¦.. hurt and cause pain
“¦.. control and gain power

But words can also be used to:
“¦.. help and support
“¦.. nurture and protect

As with many things in life, it depends how you use them.

When someone is the subject of bullying with words it is rarely something they talk about to anyone. It often results in withdrawal and isolation which compounds the problem as the bully will take advantage of the silence.

When and where does bullying occur?

Bullying can happen to anyone, at any age and in many circumstances, such as:

• at home
• at school
• in relationships
• at work
• in caring for the elderly
• in looking after those with disabilities

Types of bulling

Verbal bullying

When many people think of bullying they think of physical bullying – that is sometimes easier to detect than verbal bullying which is often hidden.

It can happen in school, clubs, the school bus – anywhere that children are together.

Cyberbullying

Cyberbulling is bullying using any digital media – predominantly mobile phones, social media and emails.

Serbian Ministry of Education, Science and Technological Development and UNICEF, with the support of Telenor, conducted a survey on digital bullying among primary and secondary schools pupils in December 2012.¹
The results are similar to surveys conducted around the world – cyberbullying is on the increase and children need protection.

The results included:

• 36% of pupils responded to messages from people they did not know
• 58% of them accepted “friend” requests from strangers on social networks
• 11% of children accepted meetings with people they met online but did not know
• 12% were the subject of bullying on the Internet, 8% were victims of photographing by mobile telephones or cameras, 7% received violent SMS messages, 12% received abusive phone calls
• 5% of primary school pupils admitted that they harassed others on the Internet, 4% made pictures of someone who didn’t want to be photographed by mobile phone or camera, 2% sent unpleasant SMS messages and 4% made abusive phone calls
• 84% of pupils were passive observers of digital bullying at least once
• 52% of secondary school pupils and. 48 % of primary school students visit web sites they believe their parents would not allow.

Sibling Bullying

When does fighting between siblings become bullying? This was a question the BBC Mews Magazine posed recently.

• Almost a third of children in a recent survey said they had been the victim of sibling aggression in the past year
• They reported a range of acts from theft and psychological abuse to physical assault
• Some parents believe conflict between siblings toughens them up
• Research says sibling aggression affects a child’s mental health

Comments were invited from individuals who had been bulled by siblings, and they included²:

“I was bullied by my older brother throughout my childhood. He was eight years older and put a lot of energy into bullying. He drew scary pictures on the wall near my bed when I was three years old. He used a soldering iron to write a horrible message – “you are a fat pig” – on a school pencil case my Mum made for me. At age 11 I remember wishing that I hadn’t been born.

I stopped speaking to him at home for two years. My parents did very little to stop it. Christmas was always ruined by it. I was also bullied at school but it wasn’t as bad as the bullying at home. I suffered from depression for many years and have experienced workplace bullying and domestic violence. I know it is all connected to my childhood.”

How we can help children handle bullying

Give children behaviour tips to stop them being bullied

Bullies will often ‘pick’ on someone they think is weaker than they are, so teach your child to:

• Project a positive attitude and walk, sit and move with confidence
• Understand the difference between assertive and aggressive behaviour
• Avoid potential bullying situations by moving calmly out of the way
• Understand and set boundaries with others, telling them to ‘stop’ in a calm and firm manner
• Be able to ‘throw away’ hurtful words by saying them out loud and then dismissing them by throwing them away
• Get help when they need it by talking to teachers, parents and other adults
• Use social media, the internet and mobile phones safely

Teach children the long term effects of bullying

Children do not always realise the potentially long term effects of bullying others. They may only see the short term effect – what happens in the moment. One of the best exercises I have found is shown here – it speaks for itself.

Write music to promote anti-bullying

So, I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
“¦”¦”¦”¦”¦
Next time I’ll be braver
I’ll be my own saviour
Standing on my own two feet

Adele, Turning Tables

Adele is a talented, award-winning singer songwriter – perhaps something your child would like to be. The Songwriting Charity in the UK empowers children through the art of songwriting. They run a series of Bullybeat anti-bullying songwriting workshops. Children learn about writing lyrics, arranging music, singing and producing songs which promote an antibullying message. Expressing their thoughts in music helps them to understand the effects of bullying, learn new skills and make friends. You can hear some of the songs on their website.

Even if you do not have the resources of The Songwriting Charity, teaching groups of children to write and sing about bullying is a powerful way of learning about its effects.

Perform or watch plays about bullying

If you are performing a school play, why not make bullying the theme of the play? The children can be involved in its creation and production.

In Serbia the Telenor Serbia Foundation and the Ministry of Foreign and Internal Trade and Telecommunications supported the production of Studio Center’s play “Children on the Internet”. It highlights the potential risks that children are exposed to on the internet such as paedophilia and fake profiles, internet addiction, frauds for financial gain and trafficking.

“Children on the Internet” was premiered on November 9th 2012 in the Children’s Cultural Centre in Belgrade and performances continued until September 2013.

Use resources such as posters or school packs

There are a lot of resources available to help children, teachers and parents with bullying. As well as many books here are a few more that can help:

• - Schools Packs from the UK Safer Internet Centre
• - Rulers, pencils, pin-badges, posters and more from the Anti-bullying Alliance
• - Posters on bullying to display around schools and youth centres – some of them are shown above under ‘Verbal bullying and Cyberbullying’

Take part in Anti-Bullying week 18-22 November 2013

In the UK the Anti-Bullying Alliance established an Anti-Bullying Week in 2006, and this year it is running from 18 to 22 November. You can link to it on Twitter at #ABW2013.

The Alliance produces a range of resources for children, teachers and parents of all ages, from videos to lesson plans and information packs.

Plan something for Safe Internet Day

Safe Internet Day is an annual day – the next one will be on 11 February 2014 with the theme ‘Let’s create a better internet together’. Schools and groups create events to mark the day – what could your school or group do?

Every year they create a video; here is the one from 2013, which had a theme of ‘Connect with Respect’.

Show children that it is OK to speak up about bullying

Adults are victims of bullying too. Showing children that everyone can speak up about bullying can help them to talk about it and seek help whether they are the victim or are witnessing someone else being bullied.

A recent case in the US was the woman who became the face of the controversial Affordable Healthcare program and its failed website. Her photo was used on their website and her face was soon mocked, Photoshoped and altered. She became the subject of late-night jokes, partisan hatred and intense speculation.

She did nothing but allow her photo to be used and has now spoken up about it.³

Spare a thought for bullies too

Happy, contented people are rarely bullies – they are a type of victim too. They are often people who have been bullied or abused themselves. Bullies often feel that they don’t ‘fit in’ and use bullying to gain respect and have people look up to them – before they realise these are not real friends.

Bullying is a form of control, and so bullies sometimes bully because they feel they have no control elsewhere in their lives.

Compelling research confirms that bullies are twice as likely as their peers to have criminal convictions and four times more likely to be multiple offenders.⁴

They need help with their behaviour too.

“Forgetting people who hurt you is your gift to them; forgiving people who hurt you is your gift to yourself.”

References

• 1 Stop Digital Bullying Serbia
• 2 Sibling bullying
• 3 Mystery face of Obama healthcare on cyberbullying
• 4 Effects of bullying on the bully

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