• I have a 9-year-old son, he won’t study, he always does things he mustn’t do, he won’t listen when he is told what he shouldn’t do something, what he shouldn’t take, always does the opposite of what his parents tell him.

This kind of behavior must be very frustrating for you and I’m sure it’s not easy. The more you encourage yourself to turn off your own stress siren in these situations, the more likely you are to react in a way that will allow you to see what happens to the child in situations where he/she exhibits the behavior that you characterize as unacceptable.

Every child is different, has their own personality and temperament and learns at a different pace.

When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, it may help to ask yourself what encourages your child to behave that way. What feelings and needs is the child trying to express? Although it may seem that way, the child is not trying to make you angry – the child is behaving like that because he did not get something he needs from you as a parent, which is very important and has unmet needs that underlie the behavior he is showing.

Maybe he needs more structure in relation to you, or support for the daily activities that are in front of him, maybe he wants to choose what is best for him, so he needs an understanding for that.

Help your child express his feelings by telling him, “I think it’s important for you to finish what you started, and you want to choose when you want to do something. Did I understand you well?

In this way, you put yourself in your child’s shoes in order to discover what is important to the child in a given situation. If you blame him, scold   him, label him that he should not behave like that, it is less constructive in situations when the child shows unacceptable behavior. It is much more effective to offer him a choice, to try to understand what he needs in a given situation, than to order him, threaten him, or shout at him.

Parents always wish what is best for their child.

There is one way that has proven to be quite good in situations where you want to determine the behavior that is important for you to support your child. Agree with the child on which behavior will be rewarded. Explain to him that, every time he behaves like that, he will get a sticker, a coin that symbolizes his success. Agree on how many such signs he will have to collect in one week in order to receive a great prize. The great prize can be something that a child wants or something that motivates him. You need to decide on the rewards together.

Whenever you notice this behavior, acknowledge it by giving a reward. You need to keep records together. When you collect the agreed number of stickers during the week, reward him with a bigger prize. When the behavior becomes a habit, gradually stop rewarding it and move on to another challenge. Focus on just one or two behaviors at a time.

• The baby is 18 months old, she likes to play and hang out with others, but when it comes to food or drink, she only wants to take it from me (mother). For example, when she is thirsty, she takes a bottle and brings it to me to feed her, and if I am in the bathroom at that moment, she takes Dad to the bathroom door and explains him to open it and come to me to drink water, she won’t take it from Dad either. Not even chocolate, she takes it from others and brings it to me to give to her or, if I am present, she is waiting for permission. What should I do, because if I leave her with Dad while I have to finish my duties or with my parents, she won’t eat or drink until I get home? What should I do?

I understand that it is difficult and frustrating for you that your little girl does not accept to be fed by other close people in the environment – and that there are situations in which you need to give up your needs in order to satisfy hers. You are additionally burdened by the need that can be met by other close people, so you wonder what it is about.

First of all, I think you should be satisfied, because your child’s behavior says that she knows that you are there for her and for what she needs, and your regular reaction that you practiced, if I understood correctly, contributed to your child a relationship of trust and security. I am sure that the child is learning an important lesson in this situation, although I know that it is not easy to follow it all.
I guess what you would like to teach your child is that she can rely on other close people in the environment for the needs she has; to be more independent. In this sentence, I defined a long-term goal that the child should learn.

Once you have defined a long-term goal, the next step is to think about what you can do on a daily basis to get closer to achieving the long-term goal.

What can you do to make your child more independent and thus be fed by someone else sometimes?
I want to mention that it is important not to forget that recognizable people satisfy the child’s need for security. So far you have been doing this and the girl has linked that feeding is related to mom. Of course, slowly but surely, the child will eventually learn to be connected to other people.
It is only important that you remain calm in the process. Only when you are in that state can you teach your child different things. We need to be connected with ourselves, with the child and not allow ourselves to “get out of our own shoes”.
The described condition is transient, your little girl has made a template for a relationship with you, patience and dedication will eventually teach that others are also there for the things she needs.

Smiljana Grujić is the author and manager of the “Support, NOT Perfection” program, which empowers parents in the most important role in life.

• The boy is 6 years old, and he has been sleeping very restlessly for the last few months. The child is constantly gnashing his teeth, as if eating in his sleep and grabbing the air in order to breathe. We are interested in what could be the reason for that change.

Gritting and gnashing teeth usually occurs in the period when deciduous or permanent teeth grow, and disappears after the process is complete. Parents usually do not notice it because it is present during sleep. I think that you should take your child to the dentist to examine his teeth, as well as to the pediatrician in order to rule out any possible problems that may be the cause of this phenomenon.

A part of children who grow up with certain tensions that accompany their everyday life, where the child does not meet their psychological needs, can lead to disturbed sleep, and even gnashing of teeth, because the child resolves the internal tension while sleeping.

The post Psychologist Smiljana Grujic Answers Parents’ Questions appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

• I have a 9-year-old son, he won’t study, he always does things he mustn’t do, he won’t listen when he is told what he shouldn’t do something, what he shouldn’t take, always does the opposite of what his parents tell him.

This kind of behavior must be very frustrating for you and I’m sure it’s not easy. The more you encourage yourself to turn off your own stress siren in these situations, the more likely you are to react in a way that will allow you to see what happens to the child in situations where he/she exhibits the behavior that you characterize as unacceptable.

Every child is different, has their own personality and temperament and learns at a different pace.

When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, it may help to ask yourself what encourages your child to behave that way. What feelings and needs is the child trying to express? Although it may seem that way, the child is not trying to make you angry – the child is behaving like that because he did not get something he needs from you as a parent, which is very important and has unmet needs that underlie the behavior he is showing.

Maybe he needs more structure in relation to you, or support for the daily activities that are in front of him, maybe he wants to choose what is best for him, so he needs an understanding for that.

Help your child express his feelings by telling him, “I think it’s important for you to finish what you started, and you want to choose when you want to do something. Did I understand you well?

In this way, you put yourself in your child’s shoes in order to discover what is important to the child in a given situation. If you blame him, scold   him, label him that he should not behave like that, it is less constructive in situations when the child shows unacceptable behavior. It is much more effective to offer him a choice, to try to understand what he needs in a given situation, than to order him, threaten him, or shout at him.

Parents always wish what is best for their child.

There is one way that has proven to be quite good in situations where you want to determine the behavior that is important for you to support your child. Agree with the child on which behavior will be rewarded. Explain to him that, every time he behaves like that, he will get a sticker, a coin that symbolizes his success. Agree on how many such signs he will have to collect in one week in order to receive a great prize. The great prize can be something that a child wants or something that motivates him. You need to decide on the rewards together.

Whenever you notice this behavior, acknowledge it by giving a reward. You need to keep records together. When you collect the agreed number of stickers during the week, reward him with a bigger prize. When the behavior becomes a habit, gradually stop rewarding it and move on to another challenge. Focus on just one or two behaviors at a time.

• The baby is 18 months old, she likes to play and hang out with others, but when it comes to food or drink, she only wants to take it from me (mother). For example, when she is thirsty, she takes a bottle and brings it to me to feed her, and if I am in the bathroom at that moment, she takes Dad to the bathroom door and explains him to open it and come to me to drink water, she won’t take it from Dad either. Not even chocolate, she takes it from others and brings it to me to give to her or, if I am present, she is waiting for permission. What should I do, because if I leave her with Dad while I have to finish my duties or with my parents, she won’t eat or drink until I get home? What should I do?

I understand that it is difficult and frustrating for you that your little girl does not accept to be fed by other close people in the environment – and that there are situations in which you need to give up your needs in order to satisfy hers. You are additionally burdened by the need that can be met by other close people, so you wonder what it is about.

First of all, I think you should be satisfied, because your child’s behavior says that she knows that you are there for her and for what she needs, and your regular reaction that you practiced, if I understood correctly, contributed to your child a relationship of trust and security. I am sure that the child is learning an important lesson in this situation, although I know that it is not easy to follow it all.
I guess what you would like to teach your child is that she can rely on other close people in the environment for the needs she has; to be more independent. In this sentence, I defined a long-term goal that the child should learn.

Once you have defined a long-term goal, the next step is to think about what you can do on a daily basis to get closer to achieving the long-term goal.

What can you do to make your child more independent and thus be fed by someone else sometimes?
I want to mention that it is important not to forget that recognizable people satisfy the child’s need for security. So far you have been doing this and the girl has linked that feeding is related to mom. Of course, slowly but surely, the child will eventually learn to be connected to other people.
It is only important that you remain calm in the process. Only when you are in that state can you teach your child different things. We need to be connected with ourselves, with the child and not allow ourselves to “get out of our own shoes”.
The described condition is transient, your little girl has made a template for a relationship with you, patience and dedication will eventually teach that others are also there for the things she needs.

Smiljana Grujić is the author and manager of the “Support, NOT Perfection” program, which empowers parents in the most important role in life.

• The boy is 6 years old, and he has been sleeping very restlessly for the last few months. The child is constantly gnashing his teeth, as if eating in his sleep and grabbing the air in order to breathe. We are interested in what could be the reason for that change.

Gritting and gnashing teeth usually occurs in the period when deciduous or permanent teeth grow, and disappears after the process is complete. Parents usually do not notice it because it is present during sleep. I think that you should take your child to the dentist to examine his teeth, as well as to the pediatrician in order to rule out any possible problems that may be the cause of this phenomenon.

A part of children who grow up with certain tensions that accompany their everyday life, where the child does not meet their psychological needs, can lead to disturbed sleep, and even gnashing of teeth, because the child resolves the internal tension while sleeping.

The post Psychologist Smiljana Grujic Answers Parents’ Questions appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Since last weekend, it’s been all about number 7! Within our “Support, NOT perfection” program (SNP), we opened another Parenting Center in “Pcelica“ (Little Bee) preschool in Sremska Mitrovica. Centers represent a unique project that is being implemented in Serbia for the very first time and it emerged with the aim to further empower the SNP participants in order to take better care of their children. The funds have been secured through The Human Safety Net’s “Scale Up Impact“ – an innovative multi-year strategy for amplifying the social impact for the most vulnerable families and aspiring entrepreneurs.  

With the project having commenced in September, the cities that have gotten their Centers are: Kovacica, Pancevo, Sabac, Bac, Jagodina, Sremska Mitrovica, Uzice. During 2021 and 2022, a total of 15 Centers will be opened.  

“The opening of this new Parenting Center in Sremska Mitrovica is a great indicator of the importance we place on parenting in our SNP workshops. We at the NDF, together with our long-term partners, are rather pleased because the education, support, and experience that parents and caregivers take from our workshops will play a crucial role in the development of their children. As always, the partners and we will keep overseeing the whole process, while making sure that all our Centers are are recognized by a friendly atmosphere, top-notch conditions, and the impact they will have on families’ lives,” said Maja Kremic, NDF National Director.

The back four any team would be proud of: Natasa Djurdjevic and Dragan Filipovic in the middle, with Smiljana Grujic and Maja Kremic (NDF) providing threat out wide.

Support, warmth, sincerity, directness, and mutual respect are the values by which parents are at the workshops are led. By discussing different topics such as discipline, unacceptable behavior, and emotion management, they are strengthening their capacities in order to develop a more constructive and stimulating relationship with their children. Today, we are happy for extending our mission to Sremska Mitrovica!” – added Smiljana Grujic, NDF Head of programs.

This Parenting Center in Sremska Mitrovica, like all others, will be characterized by support, warmth, sincerity, directness, and mutual respect.

“The year highlighted by uncertainty and the continuation of the pandemic has only strengthened our friendship with the Novak Djokovic Foundation, as well as our mutual values and the ever-growing wish to help others. Hence plenty of humanitarian activity, among which a significant place is occupied by the Parenting Centers in 15 cities in Serbia. I am glad that we will thus enable parents and caregivers to seek professional advice, acquire new skills, and exchange experiences””all of which will contribute to their being better at this most challenging role,” retorted Dragan Filipovic, President of the Executive Board and CEO of Generali Insurance Serbia.  

Little Bees buzzing to the tunes of an accordion, followed by a round of applause.

“The opening of this Parenting Center is just a continuation of a successful collaboration with the Novak Djokovic Foundation and their partners, that successfully started with the implementation of the “Support, NOT perfection” program in 2019. I am thrilled because we furnished this space together, where workshops will be taking place,” concluded Biljana Cvijetic, director of “Pcelica”, a.k.a. The Queen Bee of The Little Bee.  

By the end of 2023, the “Support, NOT perfection” program will have encompassed an additional 2800 and almost 5600 children, in close collaboration with government institutions and local authorities.  

The post Another Parenting Center Opened in Sremska Mitrovica appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

Since last weekend, it’s been all about number 7! Within our “Support, NOT perfection” program (SNP), we opened another Parenting Center in “Pcelica“ (Little Bee) preschool in Sremska Mitrovica. Centers represent a unique project that is being implemented in Serbia for the very first time and it emerged with the aim to further empower the SNP participants in order to take better care of their children. The funds have been secured through The Human Safety Net’s “Scale Up Impact“ – an innovative multi-year strategy for amplifying the social impact for the most vulnerable families and aspiring entrepreneurs.  

With the project having commenced in September, the cities that have gotten their Centers are: Kovacica, Pancevo, Sabac, Bac, Jagodina, Sremska Mitrovica, Uzice. During 2021 and 2022, a total of 15 Centers will be opened.  

“The opening of this new Parenting Center in Sremska Mitrovica is a great indicator of the importance we place on parenting in our SNP workshops. We at the NDF, together with our long-term partners, are rather pleased because the education, support, and experience that parents and caregivers take from our workshops will play a crucial role in the development of their children. As always, the partners and we will keep overseeing the whole process, while making sure that all our Centers are are recognized by a friendly atmosphere, top-notch conditions, and the impact they will have on families’ lives,” said Maja Kremic, NDF National Director.

The back four any team would be proud of: Natasa Djurdjevic and Dragan Filipovic in the middle, with Smiljana Grujic and Maja Kremic (NDF) providing threat out wide.

Support, warmth, sincerity, directness, and mutual respect are the values by which parents are at the workshops are led. By discussing different topics such as discipline, unacceptable behavior, and emotion management, they are strengthening their capacities in order to develop a more constructive and stimulating relationship with their children. Today, we are happy for extending our mission to Sremska Mitrovica!” – added Smiljana Grujic, NDF Head of programs.

This Parenting Center in Sremska Mitrovica, like all others, will be characterized by support, warmth, sincerity, directness, and mutual respect.

“The year highlighted by uncertainty and the continuation of the pandemic has only strengthened our friendship with the Novak Djokovic Foundation, as well as our mutual values and the ever-growing wish to help others. Hence plenty of humanitarian activity, among which a significant place is occupied by the Parenting Centers in 15 cities in Serbia. I am glad that we will thus enable parents and caregivers to seek professional advice, acquire new skills, and exchange experiences””all of which will contribute to their being better at this most challenging role,” retorted Dragan Filipovic, President of the Executive Board and CEO of Generali Insurance Serbia.  

Little Bees buzzing to the tunes of an accordion, followed by a round of applause.

“The opening of this Parenting Center is just a continuation of a successful collaboration with the Novak Djokovic Foundation and their partners, that successfully started with the implementation of the “Support, NOT perfection” program in 2019. I am thrilled because we furnished this space together, where workshops will be taking place,” concluded Biljana Cvijetic, director of “Pcelica”, a.k.a. The Queen Bee of The Little Bee.  

By the end of 2023, the “Support, NOT perfection” program will have encompassed an additional 2800 and almost 5600 children, in close collaboration with government institutions and local authorities.  

The post Another Parenting Center Opened in Sremska Mitrovica appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

The Adult’s Active Role

Parents and guardians play an active role in children’s education. How we talk with our kids now affects them later in life. With the incessant pressure current generations face, we need to enforce positive affirmations into our children’s lives and thoughts. We put a tremendous amount of faith into kids, but along with that we also unload a tremendous burden onto them. We believe they can fix the world, so we unload the world’s problems onto their tiny shoulders. In order for our children to succeed, we cannot only give them resources on how to grow and save the world; we must be an active resource and example. When these kids grow up, they are suddenly indoctrinated into how the world actually works: Opportunities and success are subjective and certain people/ideas are valued over others. This can cause the dreams of a better world to quickly come crashing down.

“Children are never too young to understand and we do not always need to protect them from inherent truths. To truly help them navigate realities, we must lead by example, by being their favorite teacher.”

Kids become who we are, even if it is not directly our fault

Children learn from us whether we are actively teaching them or not. They mimic our mannerisms and inherit our traumas, while our ideologies become their moral compasses. The things we feed our egos with and the emotional addictions we surrender to become the habits our kids feed off of. Personal morality and strong judgment can lead to children fearing disappointing their parents if they believe conflicting views. This is why we must focus on bettering ourselves, too. Our children cannot be all of the things that we failed to be. Although our intentions may come from a good place and we only wish to give our children the things we ourselves lacked, that does not mean that we are not hurting them in other ways. Even if it is not intentional, or even directly our fault, kids learn from us, both good and bad. It is important for us to be conscious of our behavior towards them, but more significantly, around them.

“Do not force your children to be something they are not. It is your job to live a life that inspires children to live theirs to their fullest potential.”

Stop imposing yourself on your children, let them be who they are

We need to let our children be themselves, no matter who they choose to be. It is their choice to decide who they want to be in this life. We can only help them along the way by doing the work to set a good example, ourselves – starting with accepting them for who they are. It is imperative that we learn to have children for unselfish reasons and be prepared to give them the resource of a present and mindful, level-headed adult. Progress means working towards unwrapping our own traumas and working on our poor habits today, not tomorrow. We have to realize that our children can’t be everything we couldn’t be for ourselves. Children should also not be brought into this world for the sake and pressure of other family members. Have children when you are ready to selflessly provide another human being with the means to live their own lives, not the life you want for them.

Ways we can hurt our children (even unintentionally)

The fact of the matter is that we can unintentionally hurt our children. We can pass down generational trauma and even our best intentions can be detrimental if we put too much pressure on our children to fit our ideals. Letting our own problems go unsolved, avoiding the work for self-improvement, and putting pressure on our children can lead to some common health struggles, both somatic and emotional.

Emotional/behavioral troubles include:

• Anxiety
• Mood disorders
• Eating disorders
• Depression
• Body / self image issues
• Guilt
• Fear
• Anger
• Confusion
• Attitude changes
• Social withdrawal / isolation

While physical problems can manifest as:

• Migraines
• Appetite loss
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Gastrointestinal issues
• Stomach / digestive issues

What can you do?

It is important to remember that this work is something that doesn’t happen overnight. This is something that needs to be worked on every day, slowly, but consistently. Some may need more time than others, but the work to ground ourselves needs to be done. We should never feel the need to stop improving. We are always learning and changing. To better ourselves, we need to put in the work. Self-awareness is a journey, not a destination. The revolution of raising ourselves and new generations has to start with us, not with our children. It has to start today because kids inherit our behaviors and trauma. They don’t only learn from them, they inherit them. So, let’s learn to sit with our own discomfort and, together with our kids, we can improve every day.

About the Author: Diana Randjelovic is a writer, designer, and artist. With a Master’s degree in Landscape Architecture, Diana’s designs and writing focus on memory work of people and place. She is behind the online community, mala mgzn which focuses on community care for Serbian women and daughters of immigrants.

The post Be Your Child’s Favorite Teacher appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.

The Adult’s Active Role

Parents and guardians play an active role in children’s education. How we talk with our kids now affects them later in life. With the incessant pressure current generations face, we need to enforce positive affirmations into our children’s lives and thoughts. We put a tremendous amount of faith into kids, but along with that we also unload a tremendous burden onto them. We believe they can fix the world, so we unload the world’s problems onto their tiny shoulders. In order for our children to succeed, we cannot only give them resources on how to grow and save the world; we must be an active resource and example. When these kids grow up, they are suddenly indoctrinated into how the world actually works: Opportunities and success are subjective and certain people/ideas are valued over others. This can cause the dreams of a better world to quickly come crashing down.

“Children are never too young to understand and we do not always need to protect them from inherent truths. To truly help them navigate realities, we must lead by example, by being their favorite teacher.”

Kids become who we are, even if it is not directly our fault

Children learn from us whether we are actively teaching them or not. They mimic our mannerisms and inherit our traumas, while our ideologies become their moral compasses. The things we feed our egos with and the emotional addictions we surrender to become the habits our kids feed off of. Personal morality and strong judgment can lead to children fearing disappointing their parents if they believe conflicting views. This is why we must focus on bettering ourselves, too. Our children cannot be all of the things that we failed to be. Although our intentions may come from a good place and we only wish to give our children the things we ourselves lacked, that does not mean that we are not hurting them in other ways. Even if it is not intentional, or even directly our fault, kids learn from us, both good and bad. It is important for us to be conscious of our behavior towards them, but more significantly, around them.

“Do not force your children to be something they are not. It is your job to live a life that inspires children to live theirs to their fullest potential.”

Stop imposing yourself on your children, let them be who they are

We need to let our children be themselves, no matter who they choose to be. It is their choice to decide who they want to be in this life. We can only help them along the way by doing the work to set a good example, ourselves – starting with accepting them for who they are. It is imperative that we learn to have children for unselfish reasons and be prepared to give them the resource of a present and mindful, level-headed adult. Progress means working towards unwrapping our own traumas and working on our poor habits today, not tomorrow. We have to realize that our children can’t be everything we couldn’t be for ourselves. Children should also not be brought into this world for the sake and pressure of other family members. Have children when you are ready to selflessly provide another human being with the means to live their own lives, not the life you want for them.

Ways we can hurt our children (even unintentionally)

The fact of the matter is that we can unintentionally hurt our children. We can pass down generational trauma and even our best intentions can be detrimental if we put too much pressure on our children to fit our ideals. Letting our own problems go unsolved, avoiding the work for self-improvement, and putting pressure on our children can lead to some common health struggles, both somatic and emotional.

Emotional/behavioral troubles include:

• Anxiety
• Mood disorders
• Eating disorders
• Depression
• Body / self image issues
• Guilt
• Fear
• Anger
• Confusion
• Attitude changes
• Social withdrawal / isolation

While physical problems can manifest as:

• Migraines
• Appetite loss
• Fatigue
• Insomnia
• Gastrointestinal issues
• Stomach / digestive issues

What can you do?

It is important to remember that this work is something that doesn’t happen overnight. This is something that needs to be worked on every day, slowly, but consistently. Some may need more time than others, but the work to ground ourselves needs to be done. We should never feel the need to stop improving. We are always learning and changing. To better ourselves, we need to put in the work. Self-awareness is a journey, not a destination. The revolution of raising ourselves and new generations has to start with us, not with our children. It has to start today because kids inherit our behaviors and trauma. They don’t only learn from them, they inherit them. So, let’s learn to sit with our own discomfort and, together with our kids, we can improve every day.

About the Author: Diana Randjelovic is a writer, designer, and artist. With a Master’s degree in Landscape Architecture, Diana’s designs and writing focus on memory work of people and place. She is behind the online community, mala mgzn which focuses on community care for Serbian women and daughters of immigrants.

The post Be Your Child’s Favorite Teacher appeared first on Novak Djokovic Foundation.